Showing posts with label scars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scars. Show all posts

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Facing Others (Part 2)

So a quick recap of Part 1
Last night I went to a group that I had heard so many good things about. It was a little difficult because I felt vulnerable. God was able to teach me, even in my anxious moment. 

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I left you all with the quote from Tony Ingrassia, at Outpost Church, "You must give God direct access to the most wounded places of your past, to be healed in the present, so you can have a healthier future." 

If I were to sum up what I thought that meant I would have to say that I have to give God the shameful, painful, and darkest parts of my past that haunt me and form who I am today, in order to have a deep healing and in order to go out and show others love and compassion. 

When I was first facing the bipolar diagnosis, I was told, "You can't save a person from drowning, if you don't know how to swim." How fitting. I can not go out an help others. I can't love others. I can't grow if I am not willing to be healed. 

I have to place the oxygen mask over my own face before helping the person next to me.

Over the last several years, I gave God my deep pains and wounds. God has been healing them and I am at a much more healthy place, emotionally and spiritually. It was nice listening to the lesson and being able to see the outcome in my own life. God has even used my scars to help others who struggle with the same issues. Of course, God is always stretching me and helping me to grow. He starts with the major impurities and as He is purifying me the impurities are becoming smaller and smaller, but still cause pain. 

God began to point out another wound in me that I had not seen or felt in years. I took on so many of the negative words that were said to me. After repeatedly being told that I am stupid, I claimed it as part of who I am. I have spent the majority of my life with the belief that I am stupid. After repeatedly being told that I am fat, I struggle daily with my weight, but more importantly my self-image. I had found my value and worth in the words of others instead of in God. 

The worst pain comes from the realization that I have begun to pass this trait onto my older daughter and in my home. In my family we use jokes and teasing as a form of love. We joke around and make light of situations. My husband and I have a relationship in which we are constantly saying hurtful things as jokes. When I feel overwhelmed and angry at a repeated action my daughter does, the words slip from my lips. "What do you mean you don't know what happened? Are you stupid?" I don't know why we so often use negative comments and words towards each other, I do know that the majority it is not with a mean spirit. 

After speaking to my family, we have decided to take up a challenge. 

My family will not say any negative non-godly comments to or about ourselves and each other. Only words that build up will be said, none that will create destruction. 

Proverbs 12:18 "The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Joshua 24:15b "But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

I know that we will and have already messed up, but I do not want to quit. I do not want to feel defeated anymore. If I fail at a challenge, instead of quitting  I want to have grace for myself and start anew. I need to remember that it really is better to try and to fail then to not try at all. 

What wound of the past do you need to give God? How has He healed you? Do you use your words to build up or to tear down? Do you want to take the challenge? 

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Daily Blog Challenge: Day 16

What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

1. Giving birth to Abbie. It was a long and difficult labor taking 46.5 hours. It was all worth it. She is one thing that brings me great joy. She is constantly pushing me to be my best. 

2. Turning my life to Jesus. Deciding to give Him control over my life, my bi-polar, my guilt from the affair, and my pain. He never disappoints, I wish the same was true for me not disappointing.

3. Reconciling and regrowing our marriage. We were married as immature, confused, and self indulgent youth. We have been growing into more mature, godly, self controlled adults. We still have a long way to go but it all started with reconciling. 

4. Giving birth to Elizabeth. We waited a long time for her but after six years we got to meet her. Looking back, it was all God's amazing timing. 

5. Learning how to share my scars. Mainly because I am able to grow closer to God and boast in Him. He has been so good to me. Also, to help others. God has plans for them and by being honest maybe they can see His grace and love through my story.