Showing posts with label overwhelm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overwhelm. Show all posts

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Rescue Me

Have you ever had a moment where everything seemed to come crashing down around you? Where frustration turned into tears of distraught and no matter how hard you try to pull yourself out of that bad place you were stuck feeling stranded and alone? 

Most of the time I would consider myself pretty easy going. So many things happen all the time that even though they might bother me I am able to just keep going. Most of the time I am Dory... I just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim. 

But occasionally I find myself in a place where I can't swim anymore and I just need rescued. 

Last Tuesday, I had one of those moments. Let me set the scene for you. 
I had been battling a case of bronchitis for a week already and began to get worse. I hadn't been sleeping well due to being sick and due to the littlest one waking up every night at 1am and staying up for three to four hours. Both of my poor little girls were sick too. This day also seemed to be a more hormonal and emotional day to begin with, thanks to the pregnancy hormones. Even with all this I was doing alright. For some reason we thought that it was a good idea to switch the bedrooms and build the girls bunk beds at 7pm at night, when the house was already a wreck from everyone being sick and nothing being taken care of. All of the beds got taken down, halls were filled with dressers and stuff, there was no access into many rooms, and both girls were high energy and needy. We got the bottom part of the bunk finished when it was time for the hubby to leave for work. Even at that point I was alright, I was swimming right along. Then IT happened. I could not get a screw into the bed. I tried over and over and it wouldn't go. That screw threw me into a dark place. That moment the frustration overwhelmed me and I suddenly noticed all the things that I had been swimming past. I noticed how sick I was. I noticed how tired I was. I noticed that the girls were driving me crazy and weren't listening. I noticed that I had no place for them to sleep that night. I noticed that I was all alone building something that seemed impossible. I began to break down. I was angry that I was left with the problem. I was sad that I wasn't being a patient mom. I was frustrated that the stupid screw just wouldn't go in. I was stranded and alone with no hope. I needed to be rescued. 

I called my mom and dad to see if the girls and I could crash at their house but there was no answer. I was at a complete loss of what to do. Then my phone rang. It was my daddy. I tried to tell him what was wrong and why I was calling but I struggled to force out the words while holding back tears. The lump in my throat grew and it became harder to breath. Then with these few simple words relief flushed over me, "I'll be right there." I was being rescued. Like a true knight in shining armor... my dad didn't only take me away from the problem.. he fixed it. He stayed there patiently working with me to build the beds. While he built the beds, he played with the girls and gave them the attention that I didn't have in me. He made the huge unconquerable mountain fun. It turns out the company didn't even give us all the right pieces that we needed but with him there it didn't seem to matter. He helped get a place for the girls to lay their heads and gave me peace of mind. Even though the beds couldn't be made into bunk beds yet, we got them all set up and he even stayed to finish the ladder so we wouldn't have to worry about it when we did get the pieces in. He rescued me and in such a loving and patient way. I felt like that little girl that ran into her daddy's arms to seek comfort. 


We are called to be examples to our children of God's love for us. What a great example my dad was for me. I know that when I am lost God seeks me out with open arms, comforts me, and fights for me when I am not strong enough to fight. 

Isaiah 40:28-31 
"Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint."

Planetshakers -Rescue Me

When im alone the world is such a different place
Sometimes its hard to keep the smile upon my face
It seems like I try so hard and still I let you down
Its taken so long but now theres one thing that Ive found

When everyting starts crashing down
When all I know falls to the ground
When darkness comes and I can't see
You're always there to rescue me

Just when I think that Ive got it figured out
You open my eyes and let me see that theres no doubt
But you've got it all within the power of your hand
It seems like the more I know the less I understand

When everyting starts crashing down
When all I know falls to the ground
When darkness comes and I can't see
You're always there to rescue me
When all my strength has turned to fear
When I wonder if you're near
When I dont know how to break free
You're always there to rescue me

I wonder if Ill make it through this darkest night
I need to know your strength in me gonna win this fight
Im reaching out wont you take my hand show me to the light
I know you're by my side

It seems like I try so hard and still I let you down
Its taken so long but now theres one thing that Ive found

When everyting starts crashing down
When all I know falls to the ground
When darkness comes and I can't see
You're always there to rescue me
When all my strength has turned to fear
When I wonder if you're near
When I dont know how to break free
You're always there to rescue me
You're always there to rescue me
You're always there to rescue me
You're always there to rescue me
You're always there to rescue me

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Losing Control

Laying in bed I had the weight of my guilt, my inadequacies, my frustration, my disappointment, and my sadness sitting on my chest and making it difficult to breathe. The outward expression of my emotions resulted in a physical pain. What I was feeling was the darkness of defeat. 

A few weeks ago, the financial strain in our home was overwhelming. Due to being a slow season, my husband's job had cut him down to ten hours a week. We knew that it wouldn't cover the bills and agreed that my husband had to look for another job. He found a full time night position that is located a little further away. I was nervous about him being gone every night and was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep the girls quiet during the day when he was sleeping. Due to his other job only needing him a couple hours a day he said he would keep both jobs. Before he even began his first day his day job became very busy and needs him to work not only full time, but a little overtime. He is taking an online course. My husband has been gone for 18 hours a day. He tries to stay up and spend time with the girls and I but I make him go to sleep because I don't want him to get overwhelmed and exhausted. He is home three hours in the morning, when we are still sleeping, and four hours in the late afternoon. I miss him so much. I am so very proud for him working so hard to provide for our family. I miss my best friend. I miss talking to him. 

To make things worse, Abbie seems to have lost her mind. I know it is normal for children to begin to flip out or to act out when there are major stressors and changes. For the last couple years we have struggled with her stealing and lying. I thought we were over it but she began to do it again. She will take something from my room, play with it, make a huge mess, destroy it, and lie about it. We have tried so many things from talking to her, making her replace the items, spanking her, grounding her, making her hold cans, and nothing seems to work. The stealing makes me mad but not as much as lying right to my face. I can see my makeup all over her, her stuff, and her sister... yet still she swears up and down that she didn't touch my lipstick. She is seven years old and she knows better. 

So yesterday began as normal. I was tired and overwhelmed to begin with. Then she stole from me and lied about it. I was upset and made her sit at the table writing sentences until her father could spank her. *** I made a promise to myself to never physically discipline her when I am emotionally involved or angry. To me it is the difference between discipline and punishment. ***  The hubby was asleep and I had been trying to keep the girls quiet so he can rest a little. Before she even finished her sentences I told her that she could go in her room and play until dinner was finished but that she could not watch television. I made her repeat after me. When I looked in and saw the television on I reminded her that there was to be no more television and that she needed to be obedient. I went to continue on dinner and then caught her watching tv and when she heard me she quickly turned it off and tried to lie about it. I punished her. I did not harm her or abuse her but I know that my heart was not where it should have been. I didn't do it to teach her. I did it because I was angry and tired of it. I wanted to quit. I wanted to walk out the door and leave for a couple hours but I couldn't. I was afraid that I would say something that would hurt her so I left the room and didn't go near her the rest of the night. After bed the girls went to bed for the night and the hubby left for work. 

As I lay in my bed trying to sleep I found it hard to breathe. I felt guilty for not having self control. I felt like an inadequate for not being able to get her to stop stealing and lying. I felt a sadness for not being able to talk to my best friend. I began sobbing. The pain and exhaustion was so much more than I had realized. I began praying and crying out to God. I prayed for her. I prayed that my attitude would change. I prayed that I could find a way to discipline her. I prayed that I could find rest and comfort in God's arms. I kept repeating Matthew 11:28-30 "“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I began thanking God for all He has given me and began singing His praises. Soon I was able to fall asleep and I woke up in a much different place then I was yesterday. Yes, things are still tough and can be overwhelming, but I claim the victory God has won for me. 

I talked with Abbie this morning and apologized for my actions. I told her that though I am supposed to discipline her God says, "in your anger, do not sin." We set up a reward system for her and are going to try it for a month. 
God is good. Instead of losing control I need to give God the control. 

Saturday, June 16, 2012

FlyLady...............Day 1

When I walk into a room that is cluttered and messy, I feel defeated and overwhelmed. My head spins and I don't even know where to start. I have always been this way. When I was a child my parents would send me into my room to clean, I would stand there for hours and not get anything done. To me, cleaning is an endless cycle. By the time I do clothes, clean the kitchen, and start on another room; I have to start all over again. I never have time to just de-clutter things. 


I recently realized that Abbie does the same thing. I get so frustrated at her when she doesn't keep anything organized, she takes forever to clean, and she gets distracted. How can I yell at her for begin like me? I decided to try this new way of organizing and cleaning. Today I got an audio book by a lady called "Sink Reflections" from the website of FlyLady. (Check out her site by clicking on the name.) It seemed like she was talking about me and my life. My embarrassment and anxiety about having company, especially the In-laws. She breaks things down so easily, even though all the steps don't make sense at first. So here I go... I figure it won't hurt anything. I adjusted my steps to make it work for Abbie, also. 


All the steps are free on the website and they give you suggestions, support, ect. You are supposed to add one step a day. I did a couple in the first day. 


Step 1: A Shiny Sink
I love this!!! She wants you to feel proud of something and to feel like you accomplished something so she has you clean your kitchen sink. Note, I didn't say do the dishes... She even says put the dishes on the floor, the table, the counters, anywhere but in the sink. Then, you follow her instructions to get a shiny sink. It takes a little elbow grease but it works. You only have to hard core clean it once. Everyday you start with this step for upkeep. 
My Shiny Sink
Abbie helping me to straighten the sink. 

Step 2: Dress to the Shoes
I hate this!!! She wants you to get fully dressed. As if you are leaving for work. Rinse your face, fix your hair, and put on your sneakers. 


I understand the reason for this, but I hate shoes. The idea is if you were going to work you put on shoes and get ready. There is something about being prepared that makes you feel like you need to get more done. You are less likely to just sit around if you have sneakers on. It helps physically, also. I did notice that it was easier when I had them on. I did a lot more and had more energy. She asks that you just try it for two weeks. I will see. I had to dig these shoes out. I guess they will be my cleaning shoes. 


Dressed to the Shoes
Step 3: Set out Clothes For Tomorrow


Instead of wasting time and looking for clothes each morning she suggests setting them out. That way it takes less time, there is less stress, and then you have time for step 1 and 2. 

Clothes set out.
Well, that is all for today. I will post more after I try the next steps. 

I want to be more organized because God tells us to be self-controlled. I would have more time with my kids, friends, and Titus Two girls. I would be less anxious and stressed. I am not supposed to cling onto material things. Only God should have control in my life, not a pile of old junk. I want to be a good example for my girls. 

Are you a naturally organized person? What in things in your life (spiritual, emotional, or physical) need to be de-cluttered? 

Again please check out the site... it is a little overwhelming but look at the links that are just about getting started