Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Thursday, June 29, 2017

When will this be enough?

Hello Friends,

It feels like it has been forever. I have missed writing so much but haven't felt like I could. I haven't felt like I have had enough to say.

Have you ever felt like you weren't enough? Is your life enough? Are your relationships enough? Is your job enough? What is enough?

Merriam Webster defines enough as "occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations. I would define enough as the unobtainable bar that continues to only move further from me. It is the state of living a life full of regret, guilt, and sadness.

In my life there are several areas where I would consider I am falling behind in the enough category. Here are just a few:
  • I am not smart enough
  • I am not strong enough
  • I am not fit enough
  • I am not brave enough
  • I am not good enough as a wife
  • I am not good enough as a mother
  • I do not have enough financial stability
  • I do not have enough faith
Where are you falling short in the enough categories? Who set that unobtainable bar of which you feel you can never reach? Was it God, others, or yourself?

I have recently returned to seeing a counselor. I speak with her pretty regularly because I have struggled for a very long time with self hate. While one should not become big headed and proud, I do not think that self hate is the same as humility. My self hate still robs God of His deserved praise and glory. It keeps me from looking to Him and instead keeps the focus on where I am lacking. God has done so much in my life that I can not run out of things to thank Him for, but I still sit in my sadness and fail to be content in my life. Has God not created me? Has God not grown me over the years? Even if I am not enough, isn't He enough? When did my faith in Him become based on my abilities and fears?

I so want to get to the place where I define enough as being where ever God has me and who God has created me to be. I will never be content in wanting to live the life of someone else. I need to remember where ever I fall short Gods grace and love is shown. He is enough!

2 Corinthians 3: 4-6 Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 

When speaking of the thorn in his flesh... 
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." There for I will boast all more gladly from my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared before hand, that we should walk in them. 

Friends, if you are not feeling like you are enough, please know that you are not alone. Know that we are only enough through Christ Jesus. God loves us so much that He sent His son to die for us.. not because we are enough, but because he loves us enough. Seek out God's word to see what he sees when he looks at you. Know how to give God even the insufficient bits and let Him transform your world through His abilities not your own. 

You are loved! 

Friday, April 22, 2016

The Prayer of the Doubter

God, You are good. You are have always had your hand of protection and provision upon me and my family. I have seen You do miracles that would be considered great to many and in some that would be considered tiny. You have shown me great mercy and love, even in times when I was least deserving. You reign Most High over all. 

Yet God, I still struggle to see You at time. I struggle to remember Your goodness and faithfulness. I struggle to understand that You are bigger than my circumstances. I struggle to know that You love me in my weaknesses. I struggle to look to You first, instead of trying to carry the burden alone. 

God, I am sorry for my lack of faith. I am sorry for taking my eyes off of You. I am sorry for allowing the things around me to consume me with anxiety. I am sorry for failing to give You the glory and honor You always deserve. 

God, my God, I need Your help. Help me to set my eyes on You, Lord. Help me narrow the gap between my head and my heart. Help me to rest in Your promises. Help me to have more self control when it comes to my emotions. Help me to hide Your word in my heart. Help me to set aside the things in this world and of my flesh and become more like Jesus. Help me to remember to place my concerns at the foot of the cross and to leave them there. Most of all, Lord, help me in my unbelief. 


There is a great sermon from Pastor Rob Schneider titled The Struggle of Faith on 9/7/2014 on the website

Monday, April 8, 2013

Political Correctness: The Downfall of American Christians Today

Warning: This is me getting on my soap box. As always I do not expect anyone who does not share my beliefs to follow my beliefs. I also do not apologize for honestly giving my thoughts and beliefs, but am more than happy to hear your views from you... so please share in the comments section. 

Today my girls and I went to visit my parents church which is lead by Pastor Sharp. What he brought up was the way we conform to the world instead of rejecting the views of it. I think that often we end up conforming to the world's views through slowly compromising, most often through a process we call "Political Correctness". 

This is a picture of the Grand Canyon. What amazes me is that they think the shape of the canyon is caused by wind and water (the river). It is said that a constant drip of water can shape and wear down a stone or rock. This reminds me of American Christians. We are built on such a strong foundation. We are built on the rock but through allowing just a tiny bit of outside influence we have slowly began to erode and change shape until we are left with just a glimpse of what we once were. This happens as a whole in the churches but also in our lives as individuals. It is a process that I have seen in my own life. I will let the world just have a little bit of me (maybe a favorite soap opera), then I put myself around friends that use coarse and ungodly language, I might begin to listen to more music that is not holy... slowly the world has curved this canyon out of my heart and leave a huge impact on it, one that everyone else can see and I often don't notice because it was such a slow change. 

Another example of this slow process that changes one so drastically would be my weight. 
When I was a little girl I was small. I wasn't even on the doctors charts for a while. It wasn't until I was in high school that I really noticed that I was gaining weight. I remember looking down at my stomach and thinking, "this is odd.. I don't remember that roll there." Within a few years I had packed on a lot of weight. I gained a little over 100 lbs in a little over a year. After having my two daughter my weight continued on the incline but slowly until I hit 250 lbs. There are plenty of excuses I can give for the weight gain, (pregnancy, depression, pain, athletic asthma, stress, limited budget, ect.) many of which I have actually used. The fact is that I allowed it by not seeing the change sooner and finding a way to stop it. I was lazy and complacent and now often I don't even recognize myself. The person I imagine in my head is this young thin kid and seeing the reflections of my poor decisions sometimes brings me to tears. This is a slow process that completely transforms you. It doesn't happen at once and it is due to laziness and complacency. 

I fear that as Christians and as a body we have become that way. We have allowed this process to happen but instead of being through physical weight it is through "Political Correctness". Our society pressures us to hold our tongues, to call evils good, to be "polite", to let everyone have his or her own truth. This is NOT a biblical idea. The Bible does not compare politeness with being submissive to the world's views. We are to be set apart and not of this world. We can not redefine what we believe just to make someone feel comfortable. In fact in being light it draws the things in darkness in to view. There is one truth and if you believe that, then there is no room in allowing for individual truths. We are still able to show love while being honest and true to God's word. Basically, I don't have to agree with you to love you. I find it a sad place in our society when it is not socially acceptable to mention God's name unless it is in a derogatory manner.  

Even though it may not be politically correct: I will teach my daughters abstinence. I will teach my daughters to respect God. I will teach my daughters the value of life and the destruction of abortion. I will teach my daughters to pray before eating and whenever they want to. I will teach my daughters to not only seek out godly spouses but to honor and submit to them with love. I will teach my daughters that without God they are nothing and dead, not only emotionally but eternally. I will teach my daughters to define themselves and things according to God's word, not worldly views. I will teach my daughters to be God correct, not politically correct. 

The good news? We do not have to be like the Grand Canyon... as people or as a body of believers. God can heal those parts and bring restoration to those parts that we have allowed to be slowly eroded. God can build us up again and again, but we have to turn to Him and allow Him. We have to seek out to God-correctness and not what this world wants. 

Isaiah 5:20-21 "Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight."

John 14:6 "Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

1 Corinthians 1:26-30 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

John 15:19 " If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."

Saturday, January 5, 2013

From One Mother to Another

Tonight my heart is heavy with concerns for mothers who feel insecure, scared, and alone. I don't think that personal struggles are expressed openly in our society and I fear that it is causing more mothers to feel alone in their struggles. For example, postpartum depression is not often talked about amongst friends and yet it supposedly affects 11-20% of mothers. Personally, I wonder if the number would be higher if women did not feel guilt when admitting their struggles. 

Let me start by saying that I truly feel that motherhood is an amazing gift from God. I am so blessed to have my children and wouldn't change a thing. 

Now that I have said that, I am going to let you in on a dirty little secret. Motherhood is hard... actually it is not just hard. It is physically and emotionally exhausting. It is overwhelming, stressful, tedious, frustrating, painful, and the toughest things I have ever had to do. There are times that I am so overwhelmed that I can't decide whether to yell or cry. There is overwhelming fear that controls you when you think your child is in harms way. There is frustration that can lead to your body physically shaking in anger when you have no idea how to get through to a disobedient and disrespectful child. There is the exhaustion of waking up through out the night with a baby or a sick child. There is the physical pain of trying to carry everything and care for everyone. Motherhood is hard. I am not saying all of this to bring you down or create fear if you are expecting a child. I am saying this to let you know that you are NOT ALONE! You are not a BAD mom for having these emotions! All of these things are completely worth it and can actually bring you closer to your child. It doesn't matter whether you have a newborn or if your child is already an adult, some of these feelings still apply... most of all the feeling of inadequacy. 

So often I will feel that I am not a good mother. I am not doing enough. I didn't respond the right way. I didn't do things like other mothers. We feel like we could have done more to help our child. I truly feel that my mother is an amazing (perfect if possible) mother. She is everything that I wish I could be. Yet, I know that through the years she herself has felt overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted. She is always wishing she could help us more, protect us more, and show us that she loves us more. Though it may sound twisted, it gives me great relief to know that my amazing mom struggles too. She understands me all that much more after facing it herself. Even though I am in adulthood, I know that my mom still worries about me at times. It doesn't matter how old we get... she is still a mother. 

MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia defines postpartum depression as  "moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth. It may occur soon after delivery or up to a year later." (If you click on the link the page describes some of the symptom.) After I had Abbie, I struggled with postpartum depression. I had heard of it before from my doctor but I had never heard friends openly discuss it. It seemed like it was a embarrassing secret. At first I would fear that others would think of me as a bad mom or that people would take my baby away from me if they knew. As I began to open up about it I realized how common it really was. This is my story...

After Abbie was born I didn't feel as connected with her. I loved her as I thought I should but I didn't feel attached to her. I was already battling with bipolar but something seemed different. My husband was working two jobs, one of which was overnight. When Abbie was only a few weeks old I went to give her a bath. As I was bathing her a terrifying thought came into my head. "I could just hold her under and drown her." As soon as the thought entered my head I grabbed her out of the bath and put her in her crib. I didn't even throw a diaper on her but instead placed her blanket over her and left the room. I sat the the recliner for hours weeping as she slept. I was so scared that if I told my husband, he would take her away from me. When he got home I told him what had happened. I also told my mother. I was so scared that I would harm my baby. What kind of mother would even think of hurting her child? We setup a plan to protect her. My husband and mother would give her baths and if I ever had thoughts like that I would make sure she was safe and physically separate myself from her. I held onto the guilt from that incidence for years. It wasn't until much later that I realized how common it is for some mothers to have thoughts of harming the child. The thoughts aren't what makes me a bad mother.. it was the actions if I had gave into the thoughts. I never had that thought again after that day but I still use the guidelines for myself. If I am angry or emotionally upset by something I do not punish my children. I separate myself until I am ok or until their father can handle it. 

It is ok to need physical and emotional space from your child. I call this a mommy timeout. When a newborn is crying and you are exhausted and feel like you are on edge, it is perfectly fine to put the baby down and walk away for a few minutes. Being hormonal, sleep deprived, stressed, and not know what the baby wants can be perfect setup for disaster. Another tip is to have a friend that you can be open and honest with during the situation. It is nice to have the extra help but even just venting can help. 

Being a mother is hard. It is physically and emotionally exhausting. It is overwhelming, stressful, tedious, frustrating, painful, and the toughest things I have ever had to do. It is also the most amazing thing I have been blessed to do. There is the times that they smile at you full of love and melt your heart like butter. There is the pride that comes with the times they do something new for the first time. There is laughter when they say or do something hilarious but have no idea what they did. There is the the peace when you watch them as they lay sleeping. There is the hope you feel when they realize a mistake a change their behavior without being disciplined. There is the strength you feel when they run into your arms for protection and care. 

I know that I am a good mother not because of what diaper they wear or what grades they get. I am a good mother because I do my best, I love them with every cell of my body, and because I point them back to God. 

Monday, October 1, 2012

"Have a New Husband by Friday"

I decided to take Abbie to the bookstore a little over a week ago, on Friday September 21st. I was in hope of finding some book series that I could get her to read that would spark a love of reading. I naturally do not have a love for reading but rather lothe it.  When I was growing up I had several issues with reading and never truly felt sucked into a book like I would hear other describe. The star wars book were a huge solution to my parents struggle to get my oldest brother to read. He founds something he connected with and had a passion for. I want that for Abbie. We picked her up a book about a mermaid. We have yet to start it due to the chapter books she has to read for school. I am hoping to get back into the rhythm of things at home. I also decided that it is important for her to see me reading more, if I want her to read. I love reading the Bible and get so much from it but if faking a passion for reading would help her it is worth it. It might also teach me more discipline. So I decided that I want to read one book a week. I know that this will be a struggle. I felt defeat as soon as I had said it out loud. I then realized that even if I don't make it through one book a week I still would have read more than if I didn't try at all. 

I wanted to do some good, appropriate, and constructive books. I decided I would review the book after I finished and tell you all how it went. like I had assumed I took me a little longer to finish the first book. It took me nine days.. but guess what? I finished it and I learned a lot. 

Pages: 212
First Impressions:When I first saw this book I have to admit it caught my eye. My marriage is in good condition and we have been building a healthier relationship, so I have no reason to buy this book. Then I saw the clearance sticker. Clearances always deserve a second look. As I flipped through the pages to skim the content, one of the chapter titles grabbed my attention. "Thing about What You Want to Say, Then Divide It by Ten." .... Wow.. hmm... so simple, yet is makes so much sense. I decided that this would be my first book. I had no misconceptions about this being a book that will change him, but would actually change me and my understanding of him.   I told my mom about the book and the author and she said that she used Dr. Leman's, "Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours", when she was raising me. She had gotten some great tips and advice that helped her understand me.Set Up:The book is set up into five days with multiple sections under each day. He puts little tips in the margins. There are sections with Q & A between some of his readers and himself. He has some letters from readers who show how things have changed for them. There is a quiz before hand and one after. He also has a to do list for each day. He uses a lot of person stories about his relationship between himself and his lovely wife. Review: I loved this book. Although it took me longer to read it than most, it was an easier read than most books are. He is very respectful to women through out the entire book, while he is honest about some of the negative affect that feminism has had. I completely agree with him on this stance. I find that while the feminist movement has helped women in the work force it has also been taken to a point where men are now being emasculated and disrespected. Men are given the impression that they are not needed anymore. He tells you the three things a man really wants from their wives. He explains the differences between men and women, from a mans view. I found his honestly about what a man thinks and feels as refreshingly honest and very different from what I had thought. Dr. Leman discusses what influences a man's mother had as a child and continues to have. He explains how to communicate, but more importantly, how not to communicate. Dr. Leman explains the importance of sex to a man compared to women. I would strongly recommend this book, not only to women who's marriage is struggling, but also to the woman who wants to be a better wife and understand her husband more. Outcome:I have seen a lot of change in my relationship. We started out with a good relationship and will finish with a great relationship. I have been respecting my mans masculinity much more. I have been practicing communicating with him better. My husband has been listening to me much more and has also been talking a lot more. He been showing a lot more love and appreciation for me. Today alone he walked into the living room after dinner and complimented me and my food. He has helped out with things around the home such as installing coat hanger and the baby gates. He has also been much more affectionate with me, giving me hugs and kisses. He even gave me a foot rub after I trying one of the tips in the book. All this change was because I am showing him the respect he deserves. I am showing him how needed he is in my life. Also, because he is fulfilled. What's next? The book I will be reviewing next is "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Dear Christian Women,

This letter is intended for Christian women and ladies. I do NOT expect a non-Christian to follow these rules and guidelines. If you are a non-Christian you can feel free to continue reading and maybe even respect my plea, but I in no way expect it of you. 

Dear Christian Women and Ladies, 

I write this letter to you as a plea and as a lesson. Let me start with the plea. 

My husband, like so so many other men, has a constant struggle with lust. Do not be fooled, even the most godly men can struggle with this sin. We all struggle with sin. Romans 3:23 states, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." I believe that while we all sin and all sin is equal, I believe that we each may have certain sins we struggle with more. In our society sex and lust are all around. There are billboards, book, music, pictures, pornography, women, but it is a very sad thing when it can be found among Christians. Please, as a sister, a Christian, a woman, and a friend do not dress provocatively. Not only does it directly affect my relationship with my husband but it directly affects his walk with God. On the day of judgement we will each be held accountable for our actions. It is his choice to turn to God and to not give in to lust. In the same way, God tells us to not lead each other to sin, but to carry each other's burdens. Matthew 18:6-9, “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell." Would you take a six pack to an AA meeting? 

I know that the majority of times we are not even considering the ramifications on others. I don't think that many women dress provocatively in order to harm men. I think they dress that way in order to get attention and affection, but sadly the attention they receive is lust itself.It may sound cliche but beauty is not about the appearance. What men really want in a wife and a spouse is more focused on someone that respects, challenges, and loves him. Society wants us to believe that men only want and need a sexual being. Sex is an important and wonderful gift that God created for marriage. 

Show your brothers-in-Christ love by protecting their eyes. 1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Carry their burden and keep them in prayer. Galatians 6:1-6 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else,  for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor. Our society has set up a battlefield for them. They are constantly being bombarded by these bombs and attacks. The church and in fellowship with other Christians should be a place of safety. 

Also in dressing modestly, you can respect yourself and honor God. We are to honor and glorify God in all we do. 1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do [dressing], do it all for the glory of God." 

When I was in junior high, my youth pastors wife sat all the girls down. She made her plea for us to not lead her husband and the boys into sin. What she said had a lasting impact on me, and yet I had no idea that about fifteen years later I would be making the same plea. 

Thank you for you prayers and support. 

God Bless,

If you feel lead to, feel free to pass this letter on to anyone you know that needs to hear it. 

I love this video... this is a message about what men think about modesty... 

I love this video too... this is a message, convicting sermon,  about the important of modesty...

Monday, July 23, 2012

"God is good. Man is not."

Last week I had to face a major trial, and I am still facing it. You see, someone who I really care for has an addiction. Without my realizing, the pull of this addiction became overwhelming for the person and lead them to steal something so precious and priceless from me in order to get the high that they needed.  Friday morning I had found not only evidence of the addictions grip but all noticed that the item was gone and with it my trust. They had broken into my room when I lay asleep, and now I feel completely invaded. I know that comes with invasion of privacy, but I think it also comes from trusting someone and being betrayed by that same person.

"You know the effort I have given
And you know exactly what it cost
And though my innocence was taken
Not everything is lost
Not everything is lost nooooo" -Brandon Heath "Your Love"

Over the last year God has been teaching me that He is in control. I have learned that people will sin and make bad choices but God is always true and timeless. He does not change. I have also been learning to share the grace and forgiveness that God has shared with me. I do not believe in forgive and forget... well at least not completely. I do need to forget or not hold things against the person. I need to show them love, but agape love (godly love) is not naive. Love protects and cares for the person. In order to protect and love a person with an addiction you need to remember the addiction so that you do not leave triggers out that will cause that person to stumble. For example if a friend has an addiction to alcohol, I can forgive them for their actions when they were intoxicated but I won't just forget and leave a bottle of whiskey on the table. 

Galatians 6:1-6 "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.  Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves.  Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else,  for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor."

Now, there is a difference in carrying someone's burden and in carrying their load. When someone is in sin or was in sin they have a load which is their natural consequences from their actions. After they have been lovingly restored, they may have a burden of an addiction or temptation that they carry. The burden is not a consequence of their actions, it is a weight that holds them down. We are to help them with that but holding them accountable, loving, supporting, and setting up safe guards for them. Beware a person who is entangled in sin should NOT be the person to carry another persons burdens. You can still pray for the person and love them but if that person is not able to carry their own load they are not in the right place to be helping others. My dad always told me, "If you can't swim, don't jump in to save a drowning person."

In dealing with the trials last week, I try to pour all my pain into God. I give it to him so that I can respond in a godly way. It was so tough because everything in my flesh wanted to lash out in anger and in hurt. I knew that I would not even be able to control my tongue if I were to speak to the person, so I separated myself from the person, not out of anger but out of protection for the person. Any words that are not godly would only lead to more pain and hurt in both myself and in the person. Expressing anger can be godly but only when controlled and when used to express the pain and encourage healing, but when used as a sword against the person it does not bring any good. I had to pray for the person, not that they would just change but that they would experience God's love and grace, that they would be able to be free from the grips of sin, and that I would be able to love them even through my feelings. I know that God did not do this to me. God has given us all free will to make our own decisions, even if that means to sin. The same free will that allows me to choose to praise Him, allows someone else to cause me pain. But God, in His abundant love for me, still protected my heart and is comforting me through this. 

A friend had posted a link on Facebook to a blog from a Christian woman who was at the movie theater with her children at the time of the shooting. She was responding to the questions of God being merciful in allowing someone to do that. I had email her and asked her permission to post some of it on here and link it to her page. It was such a blessing and a reminder. You see, I know that God is good. I know that He is loving and merciful, but sometimes my heart doesn't agree with my head.

"He is not the cause of evil, but He is the one who can bring comfort and peace in the midst of evil.  It’s been amazing to see the outpouring of love from so many people after this unthinkable act.  Yes, there was one evil act, but it is being covered by thousands, possibly millions of acts of kindness."... 

Romans 8:28 " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Sometimes it seems as if no good can come from a situation. It seems hopeless, but God does. He weaves things together and is glorified. How great is God? 

"Though we don’t have all the answers, we do indeed listen to the cry of our hearts: When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What  can mere man  do to me? Psalm 56:3-4
God is always good.
Man is not.
Don’t get the two confused."....

I love this. How true. God is good. He is and always will be good. We need to remember the difference and be so quick to blame God. Just like when Job questioned God and God said, " Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me if you understand." God allows us to ask Him and seek wisdom, but we need to remember our place. God is God.

Please check out her entire link.  She has an amazing story of God's peace and love, and I didn't want to post the whole thing and prevent you from reading it yourself.

"Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough for me." -Chris Tomlin "Your Grace is Enough"

Update: As I have said and will continue to say, God is good. He is already providing restoration and healing in the situation. It might be a hard and bumpy road but I know that I am in good hands. Today, the person I had mentioned in this post, had accepted Christ. How great is our God? Thank you for all the prayers. Thank you God for you unceasing grace and abundant love. 

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Vlog Challenge: Worst date ever

Today's Vlog Challenge was to describe the worst date I had ever been on. For me that would have to be my wedding. It was also the best date ever since I got to marry my hubby. 

What was the worst date you had ever been on? Why?

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Daily Blog Challenge: Day 30

So we have come down to the final day of the blog challenge and although I have begun the next challenge, I am still slightly sad that this is over. I can't believe that I actually did it though. I followed through and accomplished something. So for the final post on this blog challenge the question is pretty deep. 

List 5 things you would hope to be remembered for.

1. Being a godly woman. I just think it would be the most awesome thing to be remembered for. My daughters are the ones I really want to think of me in this way. 

2. Being completely real and honest with others. I don't want to be known for having secrets. I don't want all those skeletons to come falling out of my closet as they close the casket. I don't want people to see me as another quote on quote Christian. I want them to see me as someone who has fallen many times but has the grace of God covering all her flaws. 

3. As being a good friend. A real true friend who loves you just as you are, but also pushes you to be your best. Who understands what you need to make you smile and when you need to cry. I want to be a friend who is willing to sacrifice herself for others. 

4. I want to be remembered for being weak. I am in no way strong. I do not want to be remembered for being strong. I am not able to do it all on my own. Thankfully I have a God who is strong and is able to do it all. I want to be remembered as weak because I want my strength comes from the Lord. 

5. How much I would love for people to remember me as a person filled with peace and joy. One of those persons who you just feel at peace when you are around. A person that you can feel Gods abounding love flowing from their eyes. I wish I had more self-control and would not allow any ungodly words pass from my lips. To be remembered for only ever speaking the truth would be a powerful thing. 

Thank you so much for following me through this little journey into my mind. How blessed I am. 

What would you want to be remembered for? 

Friday, July 6, 2012

Barefoot in the Park

Of all the romantic comedies I have seen, Barefoot in the Park, is the one movie that connects so much with me. I love the writing, the acting, and the scenes. More than those, I love the characters. 

Corrie and Paul Bratter are newly weds. Corrie is an eccentric, free spirited, dramatic, all or nothing girl. She loves to walk barefoot in the park, loves to experience new people and things, and loves to be wildly in love. Paul is a logical, sarcastic, organized, uptight,  and motivated guy. They have a quick engagement and fall deeply in love. When they get married they don't know what it really means to be married. They have a need for each other that they can't understand, but haven't learned to respect each other or to fight for their love. At the first sign of trouble, when their differences loose appeal and become an issue, they give up. 

I remembering watching the movie years ago, when things were not going well in our marriage and I wanted to give up, and I was thinking how nice it would be to have that happy ending. It seemed so impossible and unlikely, but a small piece of me still glimmered with hope.

When my hubby and I had a similar story... actually almost exactly what they were like. When we were engaged I would make him run through the sprinklers at night. I would dance in the rain. He was a little quieter. He would plan and dream about the things he wanted to accomplish. We were complete opposites. The things that had once drawn us so closely to each other, like a drug, ended up pulling us apart. The drama and the tension would build. Arguments would escalate and became wounds that took a long time for both of us to heal from. As a counselor once said to us, "You must remember that the things that drive you crazy were the things that made you fall in love with each other." It took several years to learn how to appreciate each other for who they are. We bring out the best in each other. I bring him out of his shell and get him to experience new things, and he help me to stay controlled and more focused. In being opposites, there can be this heated passion that can easily become unhealthy if not maintained. We also had to grow and mature, in Christ. We are learning to control our tongues, to be self sacrificial, to love in a godly way (not a worldly way). 

Sitting down and watching this movie several years later, I am finding a new connection to it. We are on the other side of it. We have and are continuing to create our happy ending. Sometimes it can be difficult but it is never boring. 

"Even when I didn't like you, I loved you."- Paul Bratter, Barefoot in the Park

What's you favorite chick flick? Why do you love it?

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Daily Blog Challenge: Day 28

What is your love language? 

I took the quiz. I didn't actually know what the five love languages were. I took a quiz to find out more. I was shocked at how well it encompasses me. My love languages ranging from the most to the least. 

Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Recieving Gifts 

I want my hubby to take the same quiz but I can guess what his top two would be. They are most likely Physical touch and Quality time. I am guessing these because those are the two things he often mentions. 

So what is acts of service? I would rather my hubby help me clean the house, offer to watch the girls, give me a massage, or cook dinner, than for him to buy me something or even watch a movie together. I feel loved through simple acts and effort. 

I think it is more important to know what the love language of your spouse is than to know your own. I make the effort to meet my spouses love language. I know that by just sitting next to him when he watches a movie he feels loved. He like for me to be physically close but not necessarily to communicate. 

Here is a widget to test your love language. 
Check it out and post back what your love language is. Were you surprised by it? What do you think your spouses love language is? 

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Safe Guarding the Heart

I notice the fog creeping up on the front window. I continued to replay the argument in my mind. At the first sound of my ring tone I jumped. Would he really have the balls to call me  right  instead of just stepping out the door? At the second ring I decided to look at the phone. It was him. He was one of my best friends. As I spoke on the phone he reassured me. He told me everything I wanted to hear but none of what I needed to hear. He told me that I deserved better. He told me that I am smart and beautiful. He told me that he could understand me and felt closer to me than anyone ever before and I felt the same about him. Those were all words that I had longed to hear for so long. What first was only the best intentions soon turned into something dangerous. Things at home went from bad to worse. I was extremely lonely.  My marriage was explosive. 

A huge fight left us in shambles. I told my husband that I wanted out. I went to find comfort in my friend. When I was with him I no longer felt alone. Through the months of talking I had fallen in love. Not into a godly love but into a love built on desperation and neediness. He kissed me and I found no strength to fight it. That night my affair went from an emotional one to a physical one. I had an affair. I committed adultery. Those are some words I never thought I would never post on the Internet. There are so many names some may call me, but none that I hadn't called myself. The guilt haunted me. 

That was in 2005. That was seven years ago and God is still using it to teach me and to reach out to others. How much my life has changed since then. I am very blessed. God has shown me so much grace. God used the situation to pull me close to Him. My husband has forgiven me. 

I was listening to a great song that really summed up where I am at. 

Steven Curtis Chapman, "Remember Your Chains"

There's no one more thankful to sit at the table
Than the one who best remembers hunger's pain
And no heart loves greater than the one that is able
To recall the time when all it knew was the shame
The wings of forgiveness can take us to heights never seen
But the wisest ones, they will never lose sight of where they were set free
Love set them free

So remember your chains
Remember the prison that once held you
Before the love of God broke through
Remember the place you were without grace
When you see where you are now
Remember your chains
And remember your chains are gone

I find that when I remember the chains that held me in bondage, I am able to see other with more grace and love. 

My friend and I were discussing the importance of protecting your heart. We are supposed to keep our hearts guarded from things that are ungodly. We are to be alert because the "devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8)" When the devil finds a weakness he will pounce on it. 

Ways to guard your heart:
1. Keep in close communion to God. This can be achieved through prayer, His word, praise, and fellowship with fellow Christians. 

2. Have realistic expectations. Your spouse will never fulfill you. Your friends will never fulfill you. Books, sex, music, crafts, drugs, and other things will not fulfill you. God is the only one who can fill the void. Only God can bring true fulfillment. 

3. Keep an eye out for the enemy. A huge lie that many Christians get caught up in is forgetting or not believing that there is a very real spiritual war. If you do not have your armor on (Armor of God- Ephesians 6:10-18). 

4. Have a thankful heart. By keeping a thankful heart you can prevent yourself from the dangers of self pity. 

5. Be watchful of what you put into your head and your heart. By listening to ungodly music, watching ungodly movies, and reading ungodly books we open ourselves up to the lies of the devil. We desensitize ourselves from the things of the world. We are to be set apart. My friend just wrote a very honest and truthful blog about "50 Shades of Grey", a book that so many are speaking about. The book is basically soft core porn.

6. Call things as they are. By using God's terms it brings the truth to it. Instead of saying affair say committed adultery. Instead of saying a child disobeyed say they rebelled. We try to soften things up so that we don't offend people. We want to be politically correct, but we need to be God correct. John 15:18 "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first."

7. Seek out only godly counsel. We are to reach out to nonbelievers. We are to show them God's love and grace, but we are not to seek out their counsel. We all, pretty much, know our friends well enough to know how they handle situations. The friends of mine that will let me vent but then hold me accountable to what God wants of me, are the ones I go to with issues. The friends that are very worldly, I don't discuss personal things with. 

8. Write God's word on your heart. When the devil attacks, the best thing to combat his lies is God's word. 

9. Share God's grace with others. Show them the forgiveness and love that has been given to you. 

10. Don't give the devil any more ammunition. He already has enough ways to attack us. We are told to reject evil (1 Thessalonians 5:23). I have chosen to protect myself by not having any close male friends. Other than direct family members, I don't have any males on my Facebook. I don't talk to a male in a private conversation. If someone wants to contact me, they can reach me through my husband. I am not saying that all Christian women should cut off ties with male friends, but I know myself and I don't want to give the devil any room. I also want to honor my husband. By taking away his fear or giving him an opportunity to lose trust in our relationship is not worth it to me. You should stay away from whatever separates you from God.

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Colossians 3:9-10 "Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator."

Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it."

What is keeping you from God? How do you safe guard your heart?