Showing posts with label hubby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hubby. Show all posts

Friday, November 16, 2012


Today was a day of attack and victory. 

This morning even waking up seemed to be difficult. My body was physically worn down. My eyes felt like little weights sat upon my eye lids. My joints ached and made the sounds of an old wood floor, creaking and cracking with each small movement. My energy was on its last bit of battery. In general it was a difficult day to begin with. 

Abbie seemed to be under a bit of attack as well. She was extremely emotional and was crying throughout the day. She had an indecisiveness about everything and filled the air with grumbles and complaints. In general she was just unpleased with life. 

Elizabeth must have stolen the energy that I was missing because she, like the Energizer Bunny, kept going and going and going and going and going. She was getting into everything. A trail of mess followed her everywhere along with screeching sounds of annoyance. She must have called me hundreds of times when I was sitting right there with her in her room playing. "Mom... Mom... MOM... momma... Mom."In general she was needy and energetic. 

This was not a normal day in our household and the tension sat in the air like a thick fog. All communication lines seemed down and I felt claustrophobic in our home. 

When we are under spiritual attack my Achilles tendon would be my family. When they are under attack I do not do as well. I knew that today was a spiritual attack and I also knew that it was connected with last night and what was going to happen tonight. 

Last night was an amazing night. I spoke to a dear friend of mine about God. The Holy Spirit was speaking to her heart and I was so blessed to be witnessing it. She like, so many others-- myself and my husband included, didn't understand the difference between knowing about God and knowing God. Knowing about a savior and being saved. I could feel the Holy Spirit pulling on my heart to ask her questions that I, to be quite honest, was a little scared to ask because I didn't want to hurt our friendship. I remember the times that I thought I was a Christian and I am not sure how I would have handled it if someone had tried to point out that I wasn't. I asked them and I was amazed at how God worked. Once I was willing to open up my mouth and just be obedient to God, He took over. I don't know why I had any fear, the fact is that the Holy Spirit already knew the status of her heart and He is always in control. Last night we talked about the prayer of salvation and I answered any questions she had. The most difficult part was that last night the Holy Spirit was not leading me to lead her in the prayer. I wanted so bad to "close the deal" as some would say. She was right there and ready, but it is not in my timing. 

So today was filled with attacks. One thing that helped was remembering that often the devil doesn't attack noneffective Christians. I knew that I was in a war and I already know who has won. 

So tonight my dear hubby said that I can decorate for the Holidays early to help me feel better after the long bad day. I messaged my friend and invited her over because it seems like something she would like to do. When she responded back I was brought to tears. God is so good! She said that she would like  come over and then she said that she wanted to be saved. I called Alvin and he prayed with me for her. She has been on my heart for months. 

She came over and we had a wonderful time hanging out. We talked and ate food. Then tonight one of my closest loving friends became my sister. I am so thankful to God for her and for His love for her. I am so excited to see God move in her life. Victory!!! God claimed another victory!!! It makes all that junk that happened today melt into nothingness. 

Romans 10:9 If you declarEe with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 

Ephesians 6:10-12 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 

Romans 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it has the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. 

Friday, November 9, 2012

Friday Letters

Dear God, 
I know that I usually end my letters with a note to you, but today I wanted to start with your letter because it is all I can think about. You are just so cool. I am always in awe of just how great and loving you are. Thank you. Thank you for blessing me with an amazing husband. Thank you for blessing me with two beautiful loving daughters. Thank you for this beautiful day. Thank you for answering my prayers little and big. Thank you for always comforting me and not letting me stay lost in my little world of stress and self-pity. Thank you for opening my eyes to all that you have done, are doing, and are about to do. Thank you for giving me an avenue that I can communicate my thoughts and feelings. Thank you for all the provisions you have made for me. Mostly, thank you for not giving up on me. There were so many times that I give up on myself and yet you were always right beside me. 

Dear Elizabeth, 
I think it is adorable that you are so loving towards other babies. You are only one and yet you treat them like they are delicate. For example, today in the store you saw another one year old and you were talking to her. You gave her a hug and you accidentally made her fall. You were so concerned about her and tried to make her feel better. You are a very sweet baby girl. 
Playing with paint in the tub

Dear Abigaile,
Where are you hearing all these songs from? When your father was going through a music list with all new songs that he had never heard you sang the lyrics to each song.. They are pop songs and all I let you listen to is worship music. We don't have cable and you are home schooled. So for the life of me I can not figure our how you know all of the songs. None of them were inappropriate, but still... I think I know the perfect word for my feeling.. I was baffled.
Abbie got more paint on her sister than on the tub or herself

Dear Hubby,
I love you. You are so great. Thank you for being my other half. 

Dear New Work Shoes,
Please don't hurt my feet tomorrow. You seemed comfortable when I bought you but the true test will be tomorrow after work. 

Dear Self, 
Please remember to bring the Imodium and the Tums to tomorrow nights Chili Night... really don't want a repeat of last year. 

Dear Readers,
You have no idea how much it means to me that you take the time to read what I have written. It is so amazing and I am so thankful. I have the most supportive friends and readers. I love you all so very much. 

Dear November Friday,
This was awesome. I can't believe that in the midwest there is a high of 70 degrees. This is perfect for getting much needed stuff done before the cold hits. I already cleaned out the car and took the girls to the park. 
The view from my front door... Sun is bright and warm :)

Friday, November 2, 2012

Friday Letters

Dear Friday,
Where did you come from? I guess it must have been Halloween that threw me off. Although it doesn't feel like a weekend... I am sure glad that you are here.

Dear Manager Who is Interviewing Me At Noon,
You make me nervous. I get that anxious and inadequate feeling when thinking about how the interview will go. I don't know why I am nervous. I am more than qualified and if I don't get the job I would honestly be ok with that. So, today I have decided to not allow you to scare me. The God in me is bigger than the job there, I will have to trust Him to provide.

Dear Girls,
I will miss you this weekend. I don't know how long it has been since I have been child free for a whole weekend... Anyway, I love you both and will be missing you.  BTW... I really don't mind if you get sugar highs at Grandma's house, so feel free to take all your candy with you... better her than me, better her than me.

Dear Ibuprofen,
Please work.

Dear Kitchen,
Today is going to be a really crazy day for me, so if you would like, please clean yourself today. Seriously, if were to become a magic self cleaning kitchen today is the best day.

Dear Halloween Candy,
Stop Calling My Name!!! I have been trying so hard to be healthier and you just sit there mocking me. You suck.

Dear Hubby,
I am so excited about the marriage retreat this weekend. I love you so much. I am hoping that it doesn't start any fights and that we can just relax and bask in the love we have for each other. BTW... this is a perfect opportunity to earn those extra much needed brownie points... so, this is the time to act like one of those guys on chick flicks and say all the cheesy lines to me.

Dear God,
You are so awesome. Thank you so much for all you have done for us. Thank you for opening the doors that need to be opened and for helping us walk through them. Thank you for being bigger than the things that scare us. Thank you for loving me. Please help me learn to be a better wife this weekend and please keep the girls safe.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Friday Letters


Dear Friday,
Thank you for bringing the Fall weather with you. Thank you for bringing pay day with you. Thank you for bringing my hubby with you.

Dear Minty Gum,
Thank you for keeping me from cramming handfuls of chips and popcorn in my mouth. You have saved me from so many calories and on top of that you make my breath minty fresh. I think I will keep you close by for a while.

Dear School Year,
I am so glad that we have finished first quarter and I still have my sanity... well at least most of it.

Dear Girls,
Thank you for being so well behaved and sweet. You are the best daughters in the world... not to mention the cutest... I might be a little biased though. :)

Dear Hubby,
I have missed you so much when you work nights, but I am glad that we get to have a date tomorrow and next week. Also, thank you for knowing me so well... and for watching the girls for me tonight.

Dear Erika,
I am so excited to go to see Les Miserables with you tonight. I am super excited. I am also so glad to finally spend some quality time with you.

Dear God,
Thank you for answering prayers and for always listening to them. Thank you for helping me through another week.

Dear Halloween,
I've got my eye on you... I know you will tempt me with your delicious treats and you scary movies but I will try to have self control... seeing as to how I need to lose weight and am a scardy cat.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Losing Control

Laying in bed I had the weight of my guilt, my inadequacies, my frustration, my disappointment, and my sadness sitting on my chest and making it difficult to breathe. The outward expression of my emotions resulted in a physical pain. What I was feeling was the darkness of defeat. 

A few weeks ago, the financial strain in our home was overwhelming. Due to being a slow season, my husband's job had cut him down to ten hours a week. We knew that it wouldn't cover the bills and agreed that my husband had to look for another job. He found a full time night position that is located a little further away. I was nervous about him being gone every night and was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep the girls quiet during the day when he was sleeping. Due to his other job only needing him a couple hours a day he said he would keep both jobs. Before he even began his first day his day job became very busy and needs him to work not only full time, but a little overtime. He is taking an online course. My husband has been gone for 18 hours a day. He tries to stay up and spend time with the girls and I but I make him go to sleep because I don't want him to get overwhelmed and exhausted. He is home three hours in the morning, when we are still sleeping, and four hours in the late afternoon. I miss him so much. I am so very proud for him working so hard to provide for our family. I miss my best friend. I miss talking to him. 

To make things worse, Abbie seems to have lost her mind. I know it is normal for children to begin to flip out or to act out when there are major stressors and changes. For the last couple years we have struggled with her stealing and lying. I thought we were over it but she began to do it again. She will take something from my room, play with it, make a huge mess, destroy it, and lie about it. We have tried so many things from talking to her, making her replace the items, spanking her, grounding her, making her hold cans, and nothing seems to work. The stealing makes me mad but not as much as lying right to my face. I can see my makeup all over her, her stuff, and her sister... yet still she swears up and down that she didn't touch my lipstick. She is seven years old and she knows better. 

So yesterday began as normal. I was tired and overwhelmed to begin with. Then she stole from me and lied about it. I was upset and made her sit at the table writing sentences until her father could spank her. *** I made a promise to myself to never physically discipline her when I am emotionally involved or angry. To me it is the difference between discipline and punishment. ***  The hubby was asleep and I had been trying to keep the girls quiet so he can rest a little. Before she even finished her sentences I told her that she could go in her room and play until dinner was finished but that she could not watch television. I made her repeat after me. When I looked in and saw the television on I reminded her that there was to be no more television and that she needed to be obedient. I went to continue on dinner and then caught her watching tv and when she heard me she quickly turned it off and tried to lie about it. I punished her. I did not harm her or abuse her but I know that my heart was not where it should have been. I didn't do it to teach her. I did it because I was angry and tired of it. I wanted to quit. I wanted to walk out the door and leave for a couple hours but I couldn't. I was afraid that I would say something that would hurt her so I left the room and didn't go near her the rest of the night. After bed the girls went to bed for the night and the hubby left for work. 

As I lay in my bed trying to sleep I found it hard to breathe. I felt guilty for not having self control. I felt like an inadequate for not being able to get her to stop stealing and lying. I felt a sadness for not being able to talk to my best friend. I began sobbing. The pain and exhaustion was so much more than I had realized. I began praying and crying out to God. I prayed for her. I prayed that my attitude would change. I prayed that I could find a way to discipline her. I prayed that I could find rest and comfort in God's arms. I kept repeating Matthew 11:28-30 "“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I began thanking God for all He has given me and began singing His praises. Soon I was able to fall asleep and I woke up in a much different place then I was yesterday. Yes, things are still tough and can be overwhelming, but I claim the victory God has won for me. 

I talked with Abbie this morning and apologized for my actions. I told her that though I am supposed to discipline her God says, "in your anger, do not sin." We set up a reward system for her and are going to try it for a month. 
God is good. Instead of losing control I need to give God the control. 

Friday, August 31, 2012

Friday Letters

Dear Friday, 
Today feels like a lazy day. I can't believe you are already here and with you, you bring the end of August. 

Dear Hubby, 
I am so thankful that you are stepping up and getting a second job. I will miss the time we get together and fear that we will be passing ships in the night. I love you. 

Dear Financial Struggles, 
I don't think that you will ever go away, but at least you could back off a little bit. I am trying to give you to God but often find myself picking you back up, along with the anxiety you bring. 

Dear Abbie, 
We found out so much about you health that we didn't know, but don't let it cause you fear. God is in control. He made your body and He will protect it. I am so proud of how much you have been learning. I also love spending so much time with you and teaching you. 

Dear Elizabeth, 
Thank you for sleeping through the night last night. You have been so needy and jealous of your big sister but it will be ok. I love you both the same but in such different ways. I love that you are beginning to talk more. 

Dear Hurricanes, 
While I am excited that you bring rain all the way up to the Midwest, I am asking you to take it easy on all the cities you pass. Don't cause destruction and chaos.

Dear Dishwasher, 
You are so awesome. I am so glad that I have you. 

Dear Church Family, 
I have felt so blessed by all of you. I have grown so much and have felt your love, support, and prayers. I feel so lucky to be able to worship and grow with all of you. 

Dear God, 
I believe. Help me with my unbelief. Lord, stretch me and help me to grow. Thank you for all you have done and are doing. I would be at a complete loss if it weren't for you. You are so good.  

Friday, August 17, 2012

Friday Letters

Dear Friday, 
This week has been amazing. I am glad you are here and feel like time will go much faster. 

Dear Abbie, 
I am so proud of you. You have done amazing at school this week. I had so much fun homeschooling. I don't know why I was so nervous. You are an amazing big sister. I love watching you cuddle with Elizabeth. She is so lucky to have you. 

Dear Weather, 
Wow... all I can say is thank you. It has been so much nicer outside. It gets warm but I can't complain about it. I was told that we were done with the triple digits. 

Dear Sonlight Curriculum, 
You are amazing. It is so complete and well organized. I am also glad that you discuss God in each subject. 

Dear House, 
I told you I would take care of you. I have kept you in order for a couple weeks now. I still need to attack the basement but still I am so proud to show you off now. 

Dear Eb, 
I think it is so sweet that you are starting to say "Thank you" and "Bless you" to me. You have been learning so much. 

Dear Hubby, 
Happy Birthday. I know this is a few days short but I love you so much. I can't believe that in a week we would have been married for eight years. I am hoping that this is the real start to an amazing lifelong friendship and love. 

Dear God, 
You are so good. Thank you for all you have done. Thank you for molding us into the people you knw owe can be. 

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Minnie Mouse cupcakes and Alvin's cake

I wanted to start by saying that this was inspired by MooCow's Desserts... It isn't a copy of what she made but I liked the idea of having a center piece and cupcakes. I am not sure how she made hers and even designed it differently but I do want to give her credit for making beautiful cakes and cupcakes. 

Minnie Mouse Center Piece and cupcakes... 
Things you need to make the Minnie mouse cake:
Rice Krispies ingredients: Bag of marshmallows, butter, rice krispies cereal,  a large pot, and a greased spoon.
Cupcake recipe: Box of cake mix, eggs, oil, water, cupcake pan, Cupcake paper, can of strawberry frosting, can of vanilla frosting. 
Design recipe: Large greased bowl, parchment paper, fondant, marshmallows, rolling pin, black food coloring paint, black food coloring, new child's paint brushes, and cherry kool-aid (or red food coloring).

I started by making the rice krispies and had a greased bowl ready to fill for the head. I also layer some out flat about an inch or two wide and used the cups to cut out ears. and I made the shape of a bow. I let them cool but would pack it tighter with my hands. (Kind of like packing a snow ball).
 I frosted all the pieces with a thin layer to help the fondant stick. 
 Follow the directions on the fondant. I bought it in the craft aisle at Walmart. You have to knead it and roll it out. There is plenty. 
Place the ears on the head and place the sheet of rolled out fondant onto the head carefully. Then smooth and make sure any extra is cut off. 
 Then I used the black food coloring paint, also found in the craft aisle of Walmart, to paint the outside of it. I didn't have any red food coloring so I used a packet of cherry kool-aid and a little bit of water in a cup to make a thick paste and painted the bow. Then decorated the bow with the black food coloring paint. 
 To make the cupcakes I painted black dots on the pink cupcakes. To make the Minnie cupcakes I just mixed the black food coloring into the vanilla icing and then iced them. I took a few large marshmallows and cut them into thin strips and placed two on each to make ears. I then painted the ears.  I took a little of the left over fondant and cut it into a large strip and then divided it into little squares and squeezed the center to make the bow shape. Finally I painted them with the Kool-aid and decorated with the black food coloring paint. 

This is the final outcome. 

Alvin's cake was a Triple chocolate cake with whipped topping, raspberries, and strawberries. 
What you need to make it: Box mix, (optional ingredients... cinnamon, vanilla, kosher salt), eggs, water, oil, large thing of whipped topping, two small containers of raspberries, and a container of strawberries. 

I suggest not making it three layers or making it four layers by cutting two round cakes in half, his cake was so big and falling over. It was so messy but delicious. 

To make you make and bake cake mix as directed. I always add a little cinnamon, vanilla, and kosher salt to the chocolate box mix because it makes it taste homemade. Let cakes cool completely. Layer a cake with cool whip, raspberries, and strawberries. Continue through the parts. Warning... the heat of the kitchen and the cakes can make the cool whip begin to melt. You might have to thow it into the fridge for a bit. 

Friday, August 3, 2012

Friday Letters- Baby Girl's Special Birthday Edition

Dear Friday, 
  I am so glad you are here again. When I see you, I feel like I have seen an old friend. I can let my hair down and relax. I can breath again and just enjoy the day. At the same time I realize our time together will not last forever. I have missed you. Sadly next time we see each other will be the end of summer. Today is a big day for us. 

Dear Elizabeth,
  Happy Birthday baby girl. I love you so much. One year ago today we got to meet you face to face. I am so proud of how much you are learning and how obedient you are becoming. Your personality is shining through. You are loving and yet so independent. I know that you think that you are five years old just because you have an amazing seven year old sister. I hope we can have a great day today. I love you so so much. 

Dear Abbie, 
  I love you. I am so proud of what a wonderful big sister you are and have become. You are the best helper in the entire world. You help me with so much around the house. You are so great at protecting your baby sister. You are doing a great job at teaching her to love and care for others. I love you.
Dear Hubby, 
  Wow, how fast did that year go? So much has changed in the last year. You have grown so much as a father. I can see so many changes from the way you are now with 
the girls, compared to when Abbie was this age. I am so thankful that you are actively involved. I know that you are a manly man, but I love the gushy loving man you become when sitting with your girls and watching a girly tv show. They know you love them and they are so lucky. Thank you. I love you.

Dear  Biological Clock,
  Must you tick so loudly? I have two beautiful girls and yet I can hear your alarm going off, trying to tell me it is time for the next one. We can take the hint. So now that the youngest is already a year old we think it is time to start trying for that third... but please be nice and give us a boy. Third times a charm, right?

Dear Chocolate Chip Cookies,
  Thank you for not calling my name too loudly. You are so delicious and perfect. Two cookies in two days is doing pretty well.

Dear Flylady and group,
  Thank you so much for all of your advice and support. The house is slowly becoming the organized, clean, peaceful home of my dreams. I love the decorations that have  held the space of the old clutter. I have been tackling one room at a time and am keeping up on the others throughout the day. I feel like I have accomplished so much more.

Dear God, 
  Thank you so much for all the blessings. Thank you for holding me together over the last year. Thank you for protecting my family. I am so excited to see what you will do in the next year. Please help me to grow closer to you and to become the woman you want me to be.


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Where to start.... FlyLady day 2

I don't think I have ever had writers block. I can usually come up with some sort of topic or idea to go off of. In marriage counseling one of our pastors gave us a writing exercise. When I heard his words I was immediately filled with joy. "Write a letter to God about your spouse. Your spouse will not read it. I will be the one reading both. Pour out your heart to God about the other person. God already knows all you are thinking and feeling so be honest." This sounded like a great exercise until he said, " I expect your letter to be more than ten pages." At that moment you could hear a pin drop, or more accurately both of our chins. Honestly, I don't think I have ten pages of stuff to write. Of course, I can rehash the past and things that have happened but even that wouldn't be honest, since I have already forgiven him for those things. When speaking to my hubby, we both freely admitted that ten pages seemed like a little much. I thought that even two pages seemed like a lot since he isn't the same man as before. I feel like I am relearning him. This is all due by Monday and it has me a little overwhelmed. I have no idea to where to start. 

On a totally different note, I have found a way to start when it comes to housework... 

One of my Flylady groups, makes lists of all of our to-do's for the day and goes through and checks them off as we go. We update and encourage each other. It has been helping out so much. My kitchen, living room, and bathroom have been staying clean and I have even begun to start major projects and teach the children their lessons. I feel so accomplished and making/having a list to go through has made a huge difference. I feel like I have accomplished so much more. I posted the last three days so you all could see how I write them out. Anything that doesn't get finished just moves to the next day. I don't beat myself up about it. I try to pick one big thing a day to work on during nap time, sadly today nap time was cut short in order to pick up the hubby.

  • Wake up
  • Wait for other kids to be dropped off.
  • Put load of diapers in washing machine
  • Make breakfast
  • Get kids up and ready
  • Straighten kitchen back up
  • Move stuff from washer to dryer/ Put new load in
  • Turn on Dance game for children/ or Tae Bow dvd
  • Straighten Bathroom under sink
  • Do lesson with kids. (Science, Math, Reading and Journal)
  • Strighten up Living room
  • Switch over load and put in new one.
  • Go to counseling appointment with hubby
  • Make lunch/ straighten up dishes from lunch as I go
  • Put kids down for nap
  • Fold clothes in Toyroom 
  • Work on bedroom
  • Make snack and wake up kids to eat
  • Clean up after snack
  • Fix daughters door
  • Write blog post/ possibly vlog post
  • Get dinner ready
  • Straighten up kitchen after dinner mess
  • Eat as family
  • Watch a show together. 
  • Go to bed early. 
  • Wake up 
  • Help Eb brush her teeth
  • Give girls a bath
  • Comb and style Abbie's hair
  • Wait for kids to arrive
  • Throw dinner in crockpot
  • Make breakfast and clean up kitchen
  • Put load in the wash
  • Put together all diapers and put in dresser
  • Play outside with kids.
  • Morning devotion
  • Switch over loads and thow in another load of clothes
  • Start lessons Math, reading, and Switch over load and put in new one.
  • Make lunch/ straighten up dishes from lunch as I go
  • Put kids down for nap
  • Fold clothes in Toyroom , Put clothes away. 
  • Work on bedroom
  • Make snack and wake up kids to eat
  • Clean up after snack
  • Fix daughters door
  • Write blog post/ possibly blog post
  • Wake up
  • Wait for kid to arrive
  • Switch over loads of laundry/ put in new load/ fold right away
  • Morning Devotion
  • Take dishes out of dishwasher and put away/ reload
  • Make breakfast/ take care of dishes after
  • Clean off Kitchen counters
  • Clean out fridge
  • Sweep/ Mop Kitchen floors
  • Clean up toy room/ vacuum floor
  • Switch over loads of laundry/ put in new load/ fold right away
  • Work on lessons- math, writing, reading, and science (planets)
  • Organize and prepare Abbie's homeschool stuff. 
  • Put kids down for nap
  • Clean bedroom- organize, put away clothes, take dirty clothes down stairs, and Vacuum floor.
  • Prepare a snack/ wake kids up
  • Clean up after snack
  • Make dinner-  Chicken wings, Green Beans, and Noodles
  • Check bills/ budget
  • Clean up kitchen after dinner 
  • Get girls ready for bed
  • Go to bed early
I also began to make a menu at the beginning of the week. It helps so that I don't wonder what to make for dinner and spend hours fighting with myself over what sounds good and if I have all the ingredients. 

While the house is not perfect, I would not be embarrassed if a friend or family member stopped by. This will also make Saturday cleaning go so much easier. 

Night all...