Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Feels Soo Good to be Bad.

Why does it feel so good to be bad and yet so blah to be good? 

I was remembering the feelings I had when I was first dating and engaged to my now hubby. There was such a spark, such an excitement, and such a pure magnetism. 

We had a whirlwind romance. We were engaged after just twelve days of dating. When I met him I wanted to spend every waking moment talking to him and kissing him. I could feel my heart flutter and my cheeks become warm from the blood rushing to them. When he looked at me I felt like the sexiest woman alive. Just a glance would make me smile ear to ear. 

Our love was a rebellious love. My parents thought that I had fallen too fast and too soon. Other family members disowned me.  We were told by teachers that it wouldn't last. There is something about rebelling that creates an excitement. It made me feel alive and strong. My adrenaline would rush when I would go to see him. 

I studied him. I felt like a sponge and would long to learn more about him. I sought to please him and to become the woman he wanted to marry. I felt it was my duty to know more about him then he knew at times. 

Over the years we have learned how to have a love that is filled with godly love and respect. We have become so comfortable with each other that we barely speak. I feel like an old married couple. I am not sure if it is possible. I am not the same person as I was then. I used to be a wild, independent, and self indulgent girl. I am proud of who I have become.  I still feel madly in love with him, but at times I miss the spark. The fire and desire. 

Is it possible to have intimacy and fire? Do you ever miss the way things used to be?