Showing posts with label bipolar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bipolar. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 31, 2012


So often we label ourselves as certain things and with certain thing. These labels can be good and they can be bad, it all depends what we do with the label once we stamp ourselves with it. 

Flash back to eight years ago:
"I have Bipolar." The words stung. I had been fearing saying the words out loud with the fear that once I put them out into the air they would become real. Once they I said it I felt the immediate need to try and grab them and pull them back. Take back what was beginning to unravel me. I felt my confidence in my identity begin to be stripped away. I was exposed and no longer was able to hide behind the my walls of humor, false happiness, and confidence. I had been hearing my doctors and my parents saying it for days but I hadn't been able to mutter the very same words. They seemed to be an object that I could not understand or grasp, a hologram in my midst. I would now have to go through the process of finding out what it truly meant to me, to society, and to those around me. The label had been set, and it was a dark label of violence, of chaos, of defeat. The label "bipolar" was looked at as someone who gives in to impulsivity. It was seen as someone who hurts themselves and those around them. It was one with no room for hope. It was one that could not be removed. 

Flash back to seven years ago: 
"I am an adulterer." There was not scarlet letter upon my chest, but I could feel it written all over me. It seemed like the whole world could see it. I feared that my husband would never be able to see anything in me other than it. The label came with chains of shame, disgrace, and self hate. The label seemed larger than me and was pulling me in and swallowing me up. This too comes with defeat... once a cheater always a cheater, right? 

Labels like these can pull us into a place of defeat. I often takes over our entire identity and we lose part of who we are. They distract others and ourselves from seeing the truth. They not only put us in a box but they put God in a box. 

Flash back to seven years ago... a little after the affair:
"I am Forgiven." I am able to let the blood of Christ poor over and cover all of my labels. I am not bound by any chains, but have the power to break free and to follow God. This label my friends, brings hope. It brings grace, mercy, love, power, and it gives us our TRUE identity. We are transformed into new creations. 

Instead of labels being what defines me... they are hurdles that I can conquer and overcome with God. I can take all of the negative condensation and rise above it. Are there still struggles? Sure there are, but the struggles are not as big as my God is. Now labels just give me a new challenge to face. A new way to see God working. 

Flash back to this year... 
"I am dyslexic." I have known since I was a junior, but I allowed to let the label have power over me. I have been able to learn techniques to help me and to be successful, but the negative view of it still wouldn't allow me to say the words. I feared how badly it might hurt. Surprisingly, I found great relief in saying the words. It was something that God is already helping me adjust to. It is something that my God is bigger. It doesn't mean that I am stupid or lazy. It just means that God created me a little differently. God is true, fair, and loving. He is not surprised about this fact. Instead of overpowering me, the label empowers me to push myself to new levels. To seek God more. To learn about how God created me and what a great gift he has blessed me with. It is a blessing not a curse. One that my daughter might share with me. God has shown me that with Him, nothing can hold me down. 

Labels can be bad, but with the label of being a Christ one those same labels can be amazing. God can use them to further His kingdom and to show His power. 

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here!"

Ephesians 4:20-24 "That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

Friday, June 8, 2012

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 9

List 3 people who have influenced you and describe how.

Pastor Don Sharp- He taught me so much and helped me to open up spiritually. Before I met him I would just listen and take in what a pastor said. P. Don, as I call him, taught me how to respectfully discuss, disagree, and challenge spiritual leaders. We would spend hours discussing and giving our different interpretations of scripture. I have learned how to get the real meat of the scripture. How to look at scriptures from all different angels. When I began doing this I began growing spiritually. I still love to sit in a room of leaders and pastors and discuss things. I love to give my insight and I absorb so much of what they say. By questioning and debating them in a respectful way, I am still able to submit and honor them. P. Don also had this amazing gift of loving people right where they are and still pushing them to grow. He would often put me outside of my comfort zone and would see how I would respond. 

Señora Boulanger- She was my spanish teacher in high school. When I was a student in her class, I was struggling with reading comprehension. She was the first teacher to reach out to me and offer me hope. It was because of her, I spoke to my parents and ended up getting tested at Sylvan. She taught me tricks to help me read better and never once made me feel dumb. Señora Boulanger is one of the biggest influences on me going to school for teaching.

King David- I love the book of Psalms. I find such a connection and an appreciation for Davids writings and prayers. When ever things are going difficult, David tells God. He doesn't try to hide his anger, sadness, and hurt but he does always praise God knowing that God is in ultimate control. I try to live that way. I will pray and tell God that the situation sucks but I make sure I praise God, because who am I to question the potter? I can see why some would say that David was Bipolar and I wonder if that might also be part of my understanding David's position. I also love the connection and the relationship God has with David. Lord knows David is not perfect. David sinned. It is a great example of God's love. I am not perfect. I sin. I question God. I choose to trust God and will praise Him in the toughest times. 

Acts 13:22 "After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.'"