It feels like it has been forever. I have missed writing so much but haven't felt like I could. I haven't felt like I have had enough to say.
Have you ever felt like you weren't enough? Is your life enough? Are your relationships enough? Is your job enough? What is enough?
Merriam Webster defines enough as "occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations. I would define enough as the unobtainable bar that continues to only move further from me. It is the state of living a life full of regret, guilt, and sadness.
In my life there are several areas where I would consider I am falling behind in the enough category. Here are just a few:
- I am not smart enough
- I am not strong enough
- I am not fit enough
- I am not brave enough
- I am not good enough as a wife
- I am not good enough as a mother
- I do not have enough financial stability
- I do not have enough faith
I have recently returned to seeing a counselor. I speak with her pretty regularly because I have struggled for a very long time with self hate. While one should not become big headed and proud, I do not think that self hate is the same as humility. My self hate still robs God of His deserved praise and glory. It keeps me from looking to Him and instead keeps the focus on where I am lacking. God has done so much in my life that I can not run out of things to thank Him for, but I still sit in my sadness and fail to be content in my life. Has God not created me? Has God not grown me over the years? Even if I am not enough, isn't He enough? When did my faith in Him become based on my abilities and fears?
I so want to get to the place where I define enough as being where ever God has me and who God has created me to be. I will never be content in wanting to live the life of someone else. I need to remember where ever I fall short Gods grace and love is shown. He is enough!
2 Corinthians 3: 4-6 Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
When speaking of the thorn in his flesh...
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." There for I will boast all more gladly from my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared before hand, that we should walk in them.
Friends, if you are not feeling like you are enough, please know that you are not alone. Know that we are only enough through Christ Jesus. God loves us so much that He sent His son to die for us.. not because we are enough, but because he loves us enough. Seek out God's word to see what he sees when he looks at you. Know how to give God even the insufficient bits and let Him transform your world through His abilities not your own.
You are loved!