Sunday, December 27, 2015

Like Mother, Like Daughter

I remember staring at the ultrasound pictures trying to see if she had my nose. I wanted to see in what way she resembled me. When she was little I would stare into her big brown eyes and wonder who she would grow up to be. Once she laughed so hard she snorted a little... just like her mommy. We use terms such as "carbon copy", "mini me", and "Faith Jr." 

Over the last eleven years we have expanded from one baby girl to three. Each one so different from each other and yet so much like us in their own ways. Abbie has my goofy sense of humor. Our Elizabeth is strong willed and fiercely independent. Last but definitely not least, Charlie is affectionate and a social butterfly. Each one is so precious and fits perfectly into our family. When I would look at my daughters I would think of how each one is like me, but tonight I realized that while they take on the good characteristics they might also take on the tough ones. 

While there are a lot of traits that I love about myself, some of my traits are a little more difficult. The most difficult trait would be that I am an over-eater. I have an addiction to food and I use it in unhealthy ways. I'm bored... I need something to eat. I'm angry... I need something to eat. I'm happy ... I need something to eat. I sad... I need a lot to eat. I use food to pacify myself and it is an addiction I have had for a very long time. Thankfully the last year and a half I have gotten a lot of help and am beginning to find ways to let God change me. I am still not where I need to be, but I have more control over food now than I have ever had before. I knew food had become a problem when I was willing to lie, steal, and hide my behavior. I felt an unquenchable hunger literally and figuratively. 

I know my daughters will each have their trials and temptations. I know that they will sin and only God will be able to help them. I know these things, but seeing them struggle still hurts. It especially hurts when I see the same struggle and behavior that I struggle with. Part of me feels guilty... is she doing this because of my bad example. Has my sins and struggles passed down to her? How can I teach her how to do something that I am still not able to do? 

Tonight I discovered that one of my precious girls has a problem with food. Her every thought seems to be around food. She is constantly seeking food. Tonight we discovered that she had been stealing food and eating it secretly in her room and had made holes in her mattress and in her sisters to hide the evidence. The amount of evidence we found was shocking and disheartening. I so wish I could take this away from her. 

What to do when children are sinning... 
To be honest, I have no idea. 

I am going to seek God's wisdom in this situation. We are going to try as a family to take the focus away from food by having scheduled eating times and no sweets, limiting temptation. I am going to be transparent about my own struggles and try to help her as much as I can. 

I can't change her heart and I can't keep her from sinning. I can keep pointing the way back to God and help her seek her identity and comfort in Him alone. 

Please pray for us as we seek out God's wisdom in all the aspects of parenting.