Friday, May 15, 2015

Becoming a Submissive Wife

Before I tell you why I long to be a submissive wife, let me start with a little background about me and my view of submission. My view point has changed drastically over the years and I am sure that it will continue to be tweaked and changed until my last breaths. It is also something that I struggle with greatly day to day even hour to hour.

A little about me...

I am strong willed, very strong willed at times. Growing up I was even more so. As a child I remember my constant interest in fighting for justice and for whatever cause I picked up at that time. I remember my Papa teaching me about recycling and then I became obsessed with collecting information on it and telling everyone around me what they were doing wrong. If I thought a teacher was wrong I would try to form sit ins in my classroom to defend my rights. I took a couple years of auto mechanics class, just so I would never be in need of assistance from anyone (especially a man). If I liked a boy I would often declare it boldly and not wait for him to pursue me. I often would not hold my tongue for anyone and I would speak bluntly, even harshly, to people. I would take up causes just to cover my own behavior, such as a strong anti-smoking stance, abstinence stance, and information on suicide hotlines. All of this while I was smoking secretly, became pregnant in high school, and struggled with suicidal thoughts. I knew how I wanted things, even if it hurt me, and I would do whatever I needed to in order to get it done.

My past views on submission...

Growing up I thought my mom was foolish for trying to submit to my father. I thought she was weak for asking his opinion and asking for his agreement on things. Even her speaking about submission felt archaic. *My mom is one of my closest friend, mentor, and a wonderful God-fearing woman. I can only hope and pray that one day my children will see me with as much admiration as I, and so many others, have for her.* I told myself, and probably her at the time, that I was never going to submit to anyone especially a man. I refused to ask anyone permission or even be held accountable to anyone. I never wanted to be helpless and need a man to help me. I remember often thinking about how I would adopt kids because I never wanted to get married to begin with.

When I met my no husband I was still certain that I would never submit to him, especially by choice. If anything he would have to submit to me. I would always speak about my rights. I had the right to be happy. I had the right to have someone wooing me at all times. I had a right to leave if I felt my needs were not being met. The wedding vows to love and respect were not unconditional, but rather based on how he was treating me.

I ended up falling and failing big time. I fell to pieces and had left my life and my family in shambles. God had taken my pride and made me realize that I am nothing without Him. That is when I flipped. I made a mistake and went from one extreme to another. I thought that submission was forced and required. I thought it meant never saying no and not allowing your voice to be heard.

I ended up giving my spouse all the power over me. I became a mat for him to wipe his anger and frustration on. I allowed myself to be defined as he defined me, not God. I sought his approval, not God's. I had become unequally yoked. I went a few years with accepting mistreatment, then God taught me how to love someone and still have  boundaries. I called it, loving from a distance. Yet again I felt so lost and was all alone. I didn't understand where I had gone wrong. All I wanted was to be closer to God and to be good. I didn't understand that all I had to do was accept the grace extended to me. Nothing more nothing less.

God began to teach me and strengthen me. I had to step up as spiritual headship for myself and my oldest. She needed someone to be leading the family spiritually and to be an example to her. The weight of it began to wear on me. I would pray that my hubby would be saved through my faith and obedience. I hit the point where the thing I wanted most was for my husband to be the spiritual headship our family desperately needed. Through the years I saw huge changes. God began drawing my husband nearer and nearer. We still faced some extremely large obstacles, but God used those. One day God called my hubby into a closer relationship with Him. I am so thankful that I was blessed to be there at that moment. It was a turning point in our lives. God had made a new creation in him.

I was amazed to see all that God was doing in our lives, and yet I still felt impatient at waiting for the spiritual headship I needed. It didn't take long at all. It was difficult at first to step down and allow my husband to takeover for me, but it was completely worth it. I found myself naturally seeking communication and wisdom from him. I wanted to become submissive. I remember some of my friends reactions when they would ask if I was able to go out for a bit and my response was let me talk to the hubby. When I would have people ask a favor or for my involvement in a ministry or activity, I began to say "I will talk to my husband and we will pray about it." Submission wasn't a punishment but rather a gift God had given me. By giving up a little bit of my pride I am able to receive godly advice from someone who knows me and loves me more than any person. I am able to have a protection. I am also able to have someone to lead me and my family. I also have someone to hold me accountable and to help me on my daily walk.

My view of submission has changed drastically over the last several years. God gave me someone who I love and respect so much that I want to submit. My husband is someone who loves me and who ministers to me and often submits to my needs and wants.Our marriage is stronger and we are a unified front when we both submit ourselves to God first. I had once heard of the "umbrella theory" and more and more I see the value and truth behind it.

Above I described three things. I described how submission is a choice, submission is a protection, and submission is a gift. The final important thing about submission is that it is a way to minister to our spouse. Submission is not always easy. Often when it comes to my pride, it can be tough to bite my tongue and to submit when I think my way is better or I don't like the advice of my spouse. Those moments are when they become a wonderful opportunity to minister to my spouse. When I am struggling and I am frustrated I have to pray that God would change my heart and give me a heart of service, love, and obedience. It is a great way to say, "I love you and respect you."

I asked God for almost seven years to give me a spiritual headship and He did. I am thankful for all God has done in my life, my hubby's life, and our marriage. My prayer is that God continues to help me as I submit to my husband and even more-so as I submit to God.