Monday, May 19, 2014

Food is My Drug of Choice

Food is my drug of choice. I use it to numb all the pain and frustration that I feel. 

Over the last week I have felt this heaviness weighing on me. It can be best described as feeling BLAH. It is like a damp cold blanket resting upon my body. I don't feel sad but I am just not happy and joyful. I remind myself of how faithful God has always been and how He is my strength through this but a moment later I call upon my other little "g" god, food. This other god brings me no hope, no relief or strength. It only brings be temporary numbing from the situation until my mouth is no longer full and my stomach is in pain. When I am turning to it I find excuses such as, "At least these chips are much healthier for me" or "I've had a long day, I deserve/need it." Yesterday I spent twenty minutes in Target staring at the candy section struggling to pick my poison. Choosing which one would best cover the tension. When I got home I shamefully hid the candy bars under the blanket so that I would not be judged and I would not be asked to share. I wanted to indulge and feel special and pampered. It leaves me disgusted as I look around and see the trail of chocolate wrappers and empty bags of chips scattered across my bedroom floor. 

There is a disconnect between my heart and my head. I know that God has freed me from these chains of bondage but I can feel the heavy grip of the iron on my wrists and the weight pulling me down. I call upon God to set me free, but I am only looking to Him for a quick fix. God can and will set me free but not though a snap of his fingers... instead through teaching me self-control and perseverance.  

Food is my drug of choice, but I don't need a drug. I need a healer. 

1 Peter 2:24 “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”