Saturday, July 28, 2012

Training for Victory

Many of you may know that I am not a sports fan. Often when sports are on, my sighs can be heard from another room. Especially sporting events that take up multiple days. When I heard it was time for the Olympics to come on I knew that it meant days of torture for me. You see, my hubby loves sports. He watches, reads about, talks about, and listens to most anything that is focused on sports. He becomes so engaged in the sporting event that the world around disappears. 

This year I decided to approach the Olympics with an open mind. I even sacrificed and watched the opening ceremonies with my hubby last night for our date night. I love that in this point of my life God is constantly finding new ways to teach me and mold me. As I was contemplating the Olympics I noticed some ways that God would want me to be more like an Olympic athlete. I am not saying that God wants me to begin gymnastics or to become actively involved in a sport, but God does want me to have the same determination and drive in my Christian walk. 

Lets break down the athletes and what makes them successful: 

They Set a Goal- On an interview I heard an athlete describe his disappointment in receiving the silver medal in the last Olympic Games. To paraphrase he said that an athlete doesn't go to the Olympics to get silver. They go to get the Gold, anything less is losing. 

They Choose Coaches- They choose the best of the best when it comes to coaches. Then they have to trust their coach to know what is best for them and they submit themselves to their coach. 

They Focus- They focus all of their attention on obtaining their goal. They visualize it and they strive for it.

They Train- They don't just wake up one morning and decide to go to the Olympics. They take years and train their bodies. They compete against other athletes and push their bodies to new limits.

They Sacrifice- There was a commercial on last night that I found very interesting. It was the athletes all describing ways they sacrifice. They sacrifice their time. They don't get to just go hang out all the time with friends. They sacrifice things that can hold them back from their goal. One athlete hadn't had dessert in years. Many of the swimmers had to sacrifice going to the opening ceremonies because being on their feet walking for so many hours could make their legs tired. 

They Know Their Competition- They don't live in a state of denial. They learn all they can about the ones they are competing against and they learn the opponents weaknesses. 

They Fight- They give it everything they have. When their bodies want to quit they fight on. They push themselves to the limit. 

What I, as a Christian need to be doing:

I need to have a goal. What is my goal as a Christian? I want to live a life that is pleasing to God. I want to bring Him honor and glory through all I do. I want to expand and contribute to His kingdom.

I need a coach. Christ Jesus is my coach. He has shown me how to live and I need to trust and listen to Him. I need to submit myself to Him and His instructions. 

I need to focus. I need to set my eye on the goal. I need to have blinders on and set my eyes on Christ. I need to visualize the victory that God has already promised. 

I need to train. I need to train through the Word of God. I need to train through prayer and praise. I also need to train through all the little situations that come up. 

I need to sacrifice. I need to sacrifice my time by spending more time with God and doing things that will bring God glory. I need to sacrifice the things that distract me and can come between me and God. I need to live a life of sacrifice for others. 

I must know the competition. I need to be aware of the spiritual battle that is happening around me. I need to know the tactics of the devil and I need to have my armor on. 

Finally, I need to fight. I need to give it everything I have. When my flesh is ready to quit I need to press into God and continue fighting on. I need to push myself past my limits, because at the end of me is the beginning of Him. 

If I do these things God has already promised the victory. The glory will go to God. 

Philippians 3:14 “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Acts 20:24 "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me —the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace."

1 Corinthians 15:56-57 "The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverancethe race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Friday, July 27, 2012

Friday Letters

Dear Friday, Thank you for going quickly. I love when we come to part but sadly that only means that the summer is going more quickly. 

Dear Annie and Mom,
Thank you for the night off. The girls will love the quality time and the sleep overs. I look forward to the peace and quiet and the opportunity to sleep in. 

Dear Hubby, 
I love you and if you are ever in question just remember... I watched the olympics with you. 

Dear Olympics, 
I know it sounds a little anti patriotic, but I hate you. I find no interest in you and wish you did not take up the time slots. Why must you last so long? I wish you could only last a day or two. 

Dear God, 
Thank you for leading my love into your arms. Thank you for your grace and your provision. 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The dreams of a child

Dreams come in so many different shapes and sizes. A couple years ago my daughter Abigaile created a dream of her own, a dream to be a big sister. She was four years old and she was ready to be a big sister. We had tried to explain to her that we might not be able to since I had a lot of health issues at the time and because we had been trying for a few years.

Dreams move us to believe when others don't. As we were walking through Walmart, a little onsie had caught her eye. She asked if we could purchase it. I told her that we couldn't afford to purchase it, especially because there would be no little body to fill it. She reached into her little pocket and pulled up a few wrinkled bills, change, candy wrappers, and lint. She looked at me again and said, "Can I buy it for my little brother or sister? I will give my money. That day she bought a onesie. We took it home, folded it up, and put it in a frame. I wrote the words, "Our dream" on the glass and wrote the story down in a note on the back. That was November 2009. One year later, we proudly told Abigaile that her dream was coming true. She was overcome with joy. Last August, she became a proud and loving sister of a little sister.

Abigaile had a dream and she didn't let anyone discourage it. 

There is another person who's dream has had a huge impact on my family. I am so thankful for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and all those who believed and strived to make his dream possible. His dream has made it possible for a young black man named Alvin and a young white girl name Faith to meet, fall in love, get married, and have two beautiful daughters. He did not let naysayers change his dream or his belief in his dream. Though his dream has come a long way, I think it has not yet been fulfilled. I believe in his dream and look forward to it progressing more and more.

Dreams are extremely important. They move us forward and give us the hope that things can change and become better.

This was based on a prompt from MamaKat. I love her prompts. If you aren't doing prompts, I suggest you try. They help bring you out of your comfort zone and grow. 

Mama’s Losin’ It

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Dear Christian Women,

This letter is intended for Christian women and ladies. I do NOT expect a non-Christian to follow these rules and guidelines. If you are a non-Christian you can feel free to continue reading and maybe even respect my plea, but I in no way expect it of you. 

Dear Christian Women and Ladies, 

I write this letter to you as a plea and as a lesson. Let me start with the plea. 

My husband, like so so many other men, has a constant struggle with lust. Do not be fooled, even the most godly men can struggle with this sin. We all struggle with sin. Romans 3:23 states, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." I believe that while we all sin and all sin is equal, I believe that we each may have certain sins we struggle with more. In our society sex and lust are all around. There are billboards, book, music, pictures, pornography, women, but it is a very sad thing when it can be found among Christians. Please, as a sister, a Christian, a woman, and a friend do not dress provocatively. Not only does it directly affect my relationship with my husband but it directly affects his walk with God. On the day of judgement we will each be held accountable for our actions. It is his choice to turn to God and to not give in to lust. In the same way, God tells us to not lead each other to sin, but to carry each other's burdens. Matthew 18:6-9, “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell." Would you take a six pack to an AA meeting? 

I know that the majority of times we are not even considering the ramifications on others. I don't think that many women dress provocatively in order to harm men. I think they dress that way in order to get attention and affection, but sadly the attention they receive is lust itself.It may sound cliche but beauty is not about the appearance. What men really want in a wife and a spouse is more focused on someone that respects, challenges, and loves him. Society wants us to believe that men only want and need a sexual being. Sex is an important and wonderful gift that God created for marriage. 

Show your brothers-in-Christ love by protecting their eyes. 1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Carry their burden and keep them in prayer. Galatians 6:1-6 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else,  for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor. Our society has set up a battlefield for them. They are constantly being bombarded by these bombs and attacks. The church and in fellowship with other Christians should be a place of safety. 

Also in dressing modestly, you can respect yourself and honor God. We are to honor and glorify God in all we do. 1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do [dressing], do it all for the glory of God." 

When I was in junior high, my youth pastors wife sat all the girls down. She made her plea for us to not lead her husband and the boys into sin. What she said had a lasting impact on me, and yet I had no idea that about fifteen years later I would be making the same plea. 

Thank you for you prayers and support. 

God Bless,

If you feel lead to, feel free to pass this letter on to anyone you know that needs to hear it. 

I love this video... this is a message about what men think about modesty... 

I love this video too... this is a message, convicting sermon,  about the important of modesty...

Vlog Challenge: Fashion Advice and Favorite YouTube Site

All about the modesty look. I don't like having all my junk hanging out. Also, trying to help out my fellow brothers, by not leading them to stumble or sin. 
I hate feeling like I need to cover the hubby's eyes when females are dressed provocatively. Many men struggle with lust and we aren't doing them any favors by dressing that way. We can still dress to look cute or sexy, for our spouse, without showing it all. 

Mama Kat is my favorite Youtuber and one of my favorite bloggers. I love so many blogs but I enjoy the participation aspect on her site. The writing prompts are always fun and challenging. 

Monday, July 23, 2012

"God is good. Man is not."

Last week I had to face a major trial, and I am still facing it. You see, someone who I really care for has an addiction. Without my realizing, the pull of this addiction became overwhelming for the person and lead them to steal something so precious and priceless from me in order to get the high that they needed.  Friday morning I had found not only evidence of the addictions grip but all noticed that the item was gone and with it my trust. They had broken into my room when I lay asleep, and now I feel completely invaded. I know that comes with invasion of privacy, but I think it also comes from trusting someone and being betrayed by that same person.

"You know the effort I have given
And you know exactly what it cost
And though my innocence was taken
Not everything is lost
Not everything is lost nooooo" -Brandon Heath "Your Love"

Over the last year God has been teaching me that He is in control. I have learned that people will sin and make bad choices but God is always true and timeless. He does not change. I have also been learning to share the grace and forgiveness that God has shared with me. I do not believe in forgive and forget... well at least not completely. I do need to forget or not hold things against the person. I need to show them love, but agape love (godly love) is not naive. Love protects and cares for the person. In order to protect and love a person with an addiction you need to remember the addiction so that you do not leave triggers out that will cause that person to stumble. For example if a friend has an addiction to alcohol, I can forgive them for their actions when they were intoxicated but I won't just forget and leave a bottle of whiskey on the table. 

Galatians 6:1-6 "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.  Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves.  Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else,  for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor."

Now, there is a difference in carrying someone's burden and in carrying their load. When someone is in sin or was in sin they have a load which is their natural consequences from their actions. After they have been lovingly restored, they may have a burden of an addiction or temptation that they carry. The burden is not a consequence of their actions, it is a weight that holds them down. We are to help them with that but holding them accountable, loving, supporting, and setting up safe guards for them. Beware a person who is entangled in sin should NOT be the person to carry another persons burdens. You can still pray for the person and love them but if that person is not able to carry their own load they are not in the right place to be helping others. My dad always told me, "If you can't swim, don't jump in to save a drowning person."

In dealing with the trials last week, I try to pour all my pain into God. I give it to him so that I can respond in a godly way. It was so tough because everything in my flesh wanted to lash out in anger and in hurt. I knew that I would not even be able to control my tongue if I were to speak to the person, so I separated myself from the person, not out of anger but out of protection for the person. Any words that are not godly would only lead to more pain and hurt in both myself and in the person. Expressing anger can be godly but only when controlled and when used to express the pain and encourage healing, but when used as a sword against the person it does not bring any good. I had to pray for the person, not that they would just change but that they would experience God's love and grace, that they would be able to be free from the grips of sin, and that I would be able to love them even through my feelings. I know that God did not do this to me. God has given us all free will to make our own decisions, even if that means to sin. The same free will that allows me to choose to praise Him, allows someone else to cause me pain. But God, in His abundant love for me, still protected my heart and is comforting me through this. 

A friend had posted a link on Facebook to a blog from a Christian woman who was at the movie theater with her children at the time of the shooting. She was responding to the questions of God being merciful in allowing someone to do that. I had email her and asked her permission to post some of it on here and link it to her page. It was such a blessing and a reminder. You see, I know that God is good. I know that He is loving and merciful, but sometimes my heart doesn't agree with my head.

"He is not the cause of evil, but He is the one who can bring comfort and peace in the midst of evil.  It’s been amazing to see the outpouring of love from so many people after this unthinkable act.  Yes, there was one evil act, but it is being covered by thousands, possibly millions of acts of kindness."... 

Romans 8:28 " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Sometimes it seems as if no good can come from a situation. It seems hopeless, but God does. He weaves things together and is glorified. How great is God? 

"Though we don’t have all the answers, we do indeed listen to the cry of our hearts: When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What  can mere man  do to me? Psalm 56:3-4
God is always good.
Man is not.
Don’t get the two confused."....

I love this. How true. God is good. He is and always will be good. We need to remember the difference and be so quick to blame God. Just like when Job questioned God and God said, " Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me if you understand." God allows us to ask Him and seek wisdom, but we need to remember our place. God is God.

Please check out her entire link.  She has an amazing story of God's peace and love, and I didn't want to post the whole thing and prevent you from reading it yourself.

"Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough for me." -Chris Tomlin "Your Grace is Enough"

Update: As I have said and will continue to say, God is good. He is already providing restoration and healing in the situation. It might be a hard and bumpy road but I know that I am in good hands. Today, the person I had mentioned in this post, had accepted Christ. How great is our God? Thank you for all the prayers. Thank you God for you unceasing grace and abundant love. 

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Friday Letters

Distant... so distant.
Trapped in my own head.
Isolated... so isolated.
Laying alone in my bed.

Dear Hubby,
I am so sorry. I don't know what is going on. I feel so disconnected. So overwhelmed by the day to day of life. Thank you so much for trying to make me happy. How sweet of you to run out just to get me a tea. I don't like feeling like this and hope to be back on my game soon. I just constantly feel exhausted. I wish I could stay in bed for a few days, but I know the world won't stop just because I did. I love you so much and am so thankful for you.

Dear Eb,
Baby, my poor baby. I wish I could take the pain of your teething away. I wish I could make you feel more comfortable. I know that you are trying to communicate as best as you can. I am sorry I can't just hold you while you scream. Please, get some rest and be a strong girl. Please, give mommy a break from the constant crying.

Dear Abbie,
I am sorry I have been so distracted. I have not forgotten about you. Everyone is demanding so much of me and I am so thankful that you are so helpful. I am sorry that I get aggravated so much more easily lately. I love you.

Dear Friday,
Please go quickly. Please provide rain and cooling.

Dear Body,
Please get plenty of rest this weekend. Please, feel rejuvenated for next week.

Dear Satan,
I won't stop praising... Try as you might I will not give you what you want. I will only lean more into God. I hate you. I hate that your schemes distract me from the ones I love.

Dear God,
Please protect me and my family. Help me to be bound even closer to you. Give me the spirit of love, patience, and peace with my family and household. Pull me from this dark cloud and show me your grace. Thank you for being so awesome and for loving me so much.


Bringing a Knife to a Gunfight

Have you ever heard the quote, "Never bring a knife to a gunfight?" I think that as a Christian this should be one of our mottos.

The last several days I have been under attack, and I know that I am not the only one. It feels like the devil is so quick to pounce.  I have been feeling down, been agitated, and have been emotional. I have felt disconnected from my family and my friends. I have been bombarded by the lies. 

Living in a society that is so set on political correctness and personal rights has left us with a misunderstanding of spiritual warfare. Guerrilla warfare is not included in our understanding of the rules. Why do we assume that Satan fights by our rules? Why do we assume that he won't kick us while we are down? Why do we assume that he won't attack our families? I think that these assumptions come from living in a country such as ours. The same assumptions are made of God. We often forget His great power and authority. We often think that God needs us, when it is the other way around. We often blame God when we are wounded during the war, but we ignore His instructions on how to protect ourselves. Can we blame the car company if we get hurt in a crash when we choose to not put on our seat belt? 

If we bring a knife to a gunfight we can insure that we will get hurt. We won't be prepared to protect ourselves. The spiritual war is so much more dangerous that a gunfight. The devil does not and will not fight by our rules. 

Ephesians 6:10-18 "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faithwith which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spiritwhich is the word of God.
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."

For all those that know me should know that I am not a big sports fan, but for the first time I am going to use a sports analogy. Think about a football player. How would he play if he didn't wear his protective gear? How would he play if he didn't consult his coach? How would he play if he wasn't ready to play? How well would he play if he didn't didn't work with his team mates? How well would he play if he didn't know there was even a game? 

Are you under attack? What should you do to fight back? 

The first step is to recognize and understand the spiritual warfare that is happening around us. 

The second step is to communicate with God. Pray. 

The third step is to put your armor on. Make sure you have the full armor on. The best way to fight lies is with the truth. 

The final step is to be around other Christians. Satan loves to divide and conquer. Often that can be why it feels better at the time to hide and isolate ourselves. It is important that we push ourselves to be honest and open with each other. We can not fight on our own. 

Do you need prayer for anything? How do you fight against the enemy? 

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Vlog Challenge: Favorite Song/ Lip Syncing

So todays Vlog challenge was to talk about one of my favorite songs and to show my best lip syncing skills. I was thinking of all the songs I love. I felt a little nervous about the lip syncing. Then I began to think about my cousin Amanda. We used to go on road trips together or just hang out listening to music and singing. We LOVED our boy bands... especially N'Sync. So in honor of her today I decided to lip sync to N'Sync's Drive Myself Crazy. I need to go through my stuff because I know I have pictures of us in our Grandpa's van with our headphones on and lip syncing to N'Sync. 

I have a close bond to all of my cousins but Amanda has been a sort of little sister to me. I love you Amanda. 

What is your favorite song to lip sync to? What song do you have good memories from? 

Monday, July 16, 2012

Vlog Challenge: Questions

So today's vlog challenge was to put something that readers would be surprised to find out about me. Since I am pretty open I decided to answer the ten questions that are asked on Inside the Actors Studio. 

Here are the questions if you wanted to answer them...

1. What is your favorite word?
2. What is your least favorite word?
3. What turns you on?
4. What turns you off?
5. What sound do you love?
6. What sound do you hate?
7. What is your favorite curse word?
8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
9. What profession would you not like to do?

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
I did have one question posted to me... 

Q: Who was you best friend from third grade? 
A: Leah was my best friend from second grade and Annie was my sister from second grade. 
Pick your favorite question and post the answer to in the comments section. If you have any questions for me feel free to post it. 

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Vlog Challenge: Worst date ever

Today's Vlog Challenge was to describe the worst date I had ever been on. For me that would have to be my wedding. It was also the best date ever since I got to marry my hubby. 

What was the worst date you had ever been on? Why?

Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday Letters


Dear Friday, 
Thank you for coming so quickly... please end just as quickly. 

Dear New A/C Unit, 
You had me at hello. I love you, especially that you are the quiet strong type. 
Dear Spin Class, 
You are a literal pain in my ... booty. It is still hurting which makes me fear going back again, but I will.
Dear House, 
So I know I tell you each week that you will be cleaned and organized but please don't be mad... we do now have three rooms completed. I will work on you more this week. 

Dear Body, 
Thank you for not giving in yesterday when I pushed you to your limits. You have done so well at the gym and with the diet. I know you can make it just one more week.. We will take it a week at a time. 

Dear Hubby, 
I love you. Thank you for putting up with me. Don't take this note as weakness, I will still kick your booty at this weight loss contest... your booty will hurt so bad you would have thought that you took the spin class.
Dear Eb, 
Really? You have to be so independent that you refuse to use a sippy cup? You are only 11months old. Stop growing up so fast. I love you.

Dear Abbie, 
You are the best big sister in the whole world. I am so proud to have you as my daughter. Plus thank you for saying that I looked like I lost weight. Next time you should keep it at that and not continue on to say that I look like I lost 1000 pounds... I didn't weigh that much before I started this. I love you.
Dear Melatonin and Pandora,
Thank you for helping me sleep. I love using both of you to help me unwind and to get better rest. 

Dear Satan, 
I've got my eye on you. I know your schemes and I won't let you near my family. My God will kick your booty. 

Dear Readers, 
Sorry for all the references to booties. Thank you for reading my blog. :)

Dear God, 
Thank you for being my strength in my weakness. Thank you for loving me just as I am today and for who you will form me to be tomorrow. Thank you for giving me wisdom of what to say to comfort my friends and for reminding me of it later. Please help all those who are experience losses, whether it is a loss of a friendship, a relationship, or (as our Choir leader has) a loss of a parent. 

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I Have Been Betrayed

On Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, there are many writing prompts that are listed each day. One that really spoke to me was as follows: Write a poem that about a time you felt betrayed.

Mama’s Losin’ It

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines "betray" as 
to lead astray; especially : seduce
 to deliver to an enemy by treachery
 to fail or desert especially in time of need

Although it may sound a little crazy I feel that I have betrayed myself for several years, through my lack of action towards improving my health and taking control of my weight issue. I lead myself astray by ignoring the issue and by providing junk food. I delivered myself into the devils arms through believing and repeating his lies and by giving into temptations. I also deserted the younger version of myself, when I began to use food as a way to comfort myself. There were plenty of times that I could have taken the time and effort to discover what part of me was hurting and calling out for help through the use of food. I am hoping and praying that I can turn this around. I want to claim the victory God has for me. Not necessarily the victory of weight loss but in improving my self-control and by making healthy decisions for my family and myself. 

How could witness my imprisonment? 
I have been a prisoner of your choices for years. 
How could you sit and believe the lies?
The lies that are written inside of the mirrors. 

I called out, called out to be saved.
But instead you choose the foods you craved.

I was hurting and you would only ignore. 
How did you not see the pain I tried to hide?
The pain I bandaged with food and junk.
And now here I am, imprisoned deep inside. 

There I screamed, my voice upraised,
But you just choose your lazy ways. 

Today I checked out a book, from the library, called "Body Clutter: Love your body, love yourself." It is written by the FlyLady. She has some great questions listed for the missions. 

First days questions:
Look back for your first memory of comfort food. Is it a certain food or any food?

Popcorn and Ice-cream were my go to foods. I would sit in front of the television and eat them. 

What is your favorite food when you need comforting?

Popcorn and sometimes Ice-cream. 

Now, can you look back in your past to figure out why you love it so much? 

When I was stressed or bored it was a quick fix. I felt like I could find what I needed at the bottom of the container and I would search and search. 

Write down your first memory of using food to comfort yourself and what was happening to you and how you felt at the time. 

I don't remember my first memory of using those foods but I do remember feeling lonely. These were the times my depression first began to flair up. I felt fat, even though at the time I was not at all overweight. I gained almost a hundred pounds in one year. I felt this pulling or this drive to eat. 

I think I still need to dig deeper and see why that sadness was there. I am excited to see what will come of this new kick. I fear that it won't last but I need to give myself a break. I can't set myself up for defeat before it is necessary. Even if I don't end up sticking to it.. eating better for a day or two is better than not at all. Recently, I began WW and exercising more more than ever before. 

Do you feel like you have betrayed yourself in any area? What is your comfort food?