Growing up I had this happen often. My mom would tell someone at work or one of her friends about me and what trouble I was giving her. When I would meet the person I would feel mildly embarrassed but would brush it off. It was never anything that I considered too personal. I am often that way. As I have said before, I am an open book... the strange thing is I at least get to know who I am an open book to and I am the one choosing to tell the person which gives me a sense of control.
Tonight, I was blessed with being able to attend a small group of very loving people, but I was also extremely anxious because the leader of the group knows of some of my scars that I am not and won't be able to divulge anyone else with. There was a situation that I did not cause but it ended up effecting me. God has been so gracious in the grace, healing, and restoration He has brought to the situation. One of the persons who God is using as a vessel to heal this situation is the leader.
I had heard so many good things about this man's ministry. He has taken a deep wound from his past and gave it to God. Though his wound had hurt many around him, he was able to seek restoration and healing through Christ and is now showing others how to do the same. His name is Tony Ingrassia and he is one of the pastors at Outpost Church. His ministry strongly focused on the healing of so many kind so wounds. When I met him, he was nothing but gracious to me. He introduced himself and involved me in simple conversation to make me feel more welcome. I was so glad to meet him and to get a chance to see the group I had heard so much about. Suddenly, my excitement turned into nerves.
I felt as if he had seen some deep hidden place in my heart, a wound that had been concealed for the welfare of others. I had decided to give God my anxieties and to listen whole heartedly to what God had for me to learn (I will cover that part in the second half of this post). My feelings were very similar to those written about in "Killing me Softly."
As the discussion part started I had a battle dwelling within me. Part of me wanted to be honest and vulnerable about what God was showing me through the lesson, but the other part didn't want to make myself any more vulnerable that I was already feeling.
"There's a battle between good and evil
And it's raging inside of me
There's a struggle - it's God and the devil
It's Love against the Enemy"- Chris August
healthier future." - Tony Ingrassia, Outpost Church