Monday, June 25, 2012

Control... And My Lack Of...

As a woman I think one of the most difficult things to deal with is not a particular situation, but rather the lack of control in a situation. There is a small comfort in having control over things in my life. There is a false sense of stability. 


Things I like to have control over: My children, my household, my finances, my friendships, my vehicle, and my spouse. I have this irrational fear. I fear that once I lose control of one thing, everything else will fall apart. I often wonder if God allows certain things to happen in order to show me that He is in control. 


This may seem a little off subject but hang in with me and you will quickly see where I am going with this. 


I opened up the church bulletin and a disappointment set in. I saw that the sermon was focused on a woman's responsibilities in marriage. It may sound bad but to be honest, I didn't want to be convicted. I didn't want for anyone, including God to correct what I am currently doing as a spouse. What sounds even worse is that last week I was thrilled that my pastor was talking to the men about their responsibilities in marriage. You see, sometimes I even want to control who in my family is convicted and needs to change. God immediately began to work on my heart. I had a superior attitude that is the complete opposite of what God expects of me. Though I had heard the scriptures and had even studied them before God was working on me and teaching me something new. 


Before I begin to divulge, to you, what God taught me, I want to start by thanking my pastor, Pastor Stoney Shaw. He was so brave to stand up and speak the Word without holding back in fear of how some may react. Our culture has taught us that we don't need any man to tell us what to do or controlling us. I have been in many churches where either the subject of a wives duties is either shuffled under the rug or is taught by a fellow woman. I was so impressed that he stood at the pulpit and spoke the words. I also am so thankful that he offered me his sermon notes after I had told him how much I enjoyed the sermon and that I would be blogging on it. A pastors notes are very important and can be personal, so it was very kind of him to share them so that I can share more information with you, my close friends. 


Blue Highlighted words are directly from his outline... other writing is my take or opinion on it. 




Godly wives have many roles to fill as well. - This states "Godly wives" not all women. This is speaking to Christian women who are striving to become godly. It can not be expected of single females, non christians, or anyone who has not made the choice to be this way. 


1. A wife is to be a Helper and Companion to her husband. (Gen. 2:18-25; 1 Cor. 11:7-9). 
The pastor discussed how it was man's need for Eve. He was incomplete with out her. He needed a helper and companion and an equal. He said that it doesn't point to Eve's insufficiency but rather to Adam's inadequacy with out her. I found this idea interesting. I had never thought of it as woman being God's answer to mans needs. I know that if my hubby would be able to verbalize his need of me that I would feel of great worth. 


2. A wife is to Submit to her Husband's Authority. (Eph. 5:22,23; Col 3:18; 1 Pet. 3:1-6). 
A woman's subordinate role did not result after the Fall as a cultural, chauvinistic, corruption of God's perfect design; rather, God established her role as part of his original create (1 Tim. 2:13-14). Adam had violated his leadership told, followed Eve in her sin, and plunged the human race into sinfulness- all connected with violating God's planned roles for the sexes. (In submission we are not to do anything illegal or against God's will.) I had always assumed that a woman's role to submit to her husband was part of the punishment for the fall. How differently would I act if I had known that it is part of God's original plan for me? Do I rebel more against it when I feel it is forced. The pastor was explaining how submission is not a forced thing, but it is to be voluntary. It is a choice one makes in order to honor her husband and God. It can also be very difficult to let my husband lead. As my pastor said, we get tired of waiting for men to lead or we don't think they will do it right so we do it ourselves. I have been trying to work on this. I have to remind myself that it is more important for me to let him lead, in the long run, than it is to have something done the way I want it to be done. I have to let go of the control and let him be in control, knowing that God is ultimately in control. It can be scary to submit to someone who doesn't seem to be walking as closely to the Lord as you would want... but that is where faith comes in. In submitting to the husband and to God you are protected. God will bless and care for you. God will also be able to speak to your husband and encourage growth. 


3. A wife is to adorn herself with the inner beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit and with good works. (1 Pet. 3:4, 5; 1 Tim. 2:9, 10). 
A woman should work on her "countenance" so as to draw men's eyes to her face, her countenance! A woman's countenance is her face. We are to pull a man's eyes to our faces and not onto our bodies. It is important the we don't cause other men to stumble and sin. We are to dress modestly. We should not cause them to lust. I was also wondering if working on countenance would be considered smiling, because I don't think he meant to wear makeup. I noticed that people look at your face more when you are joyful. When you smile and have a light that shines outwardly.  
"Gentle is actually "meek and humble" and "quiet" describes the character of her action and reaction to her husband and life in general. This one hurt... I am in no way quiet in general.. but I think I am more controlled in having a gentle and quiet spirit with others. I find it easier to control my reactions to other things. Unfortunately, when it comes to my husband I do not show him the same kind of love and reaction. I often get easily offended. I feel that I have to prove myself right. 


4. A wife is to strive to be an Excellent wife through industry and integrity in the fear of the Lord (Prov. 31:10-31).  This reminds me of the verse that says we are to do all things to the glory of the Lord. If I took that attitude of doing things to bless my family, to honor God, and out of obedience maybe I wouldn't act like such a martyr for doing what is my responsibility in the first place. 


5. A wife is to see the Satisfaction of her husband Sexually(1 Cor. 7:2-5). 
We need to communicate with our spouse. We need to openly ask and tell them about the needs. As the pastor mentioned, there is so much lustful and immoral things in society. Sex is all around and yet we can't talk about it with our spouse, the one person we are supposed to talk to about it. 








Though I had learned so much from the sermon, the biggest thing God taught me wasn't part of the sermon and yet it was. God was speaking to my heart. He was telling me that I am not supposed to change my spouse. I am only supposed to focus on changing myself. Even though it is hard to give up the control... the changes, any changes, in my husbands heart is between him and God. I need to trust that God and give Him control, because the fact is I only have the amount of control that He allows me. He can take away all of my control in a moment. I don't need my safety blanket of control when I have God. 




Colossians 3:18 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."



















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