Thursday, May 31, 2012

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 3

Describe your relationship with your parents:

Oh how the tides have changed. When I was a little girl I had a bizarre relationship with my parents. I saw my dad as my prince charming and my mom was the evil witch that was trying to steal him from me. 

Every week my daddy would take me on a date, the majority of times it was to see Beauty and the Beast. He would teach me how to be a princess and what to expect of my future prince. We were in a Daddy-and-Me club called Indian Princesses. When my dad started working more hours, we didn't have much time to go on our little dates. I thought it was a plot from my mom to keep me from spending time with him. When they would go on a date I would get angry. My mom once asked me how she looked and I told her that she needed to cover up. At one point I even told her, "If daddy met me first he would have married me." I had so much anger and jealousy towards her. Looking back it seems so strange and I completely see her side. 

My anger and jealousy turned into hate. In second grade I hated her so much that I used to wish harm on her. My dad was not helpful in the situation. My mom would punish me and he would let me off of the punishments. 

My mom is such an amazing mother. I have no idea how I would have handled a daughter who was spoiled, bratty, and full of hate towards me; but she always treated me with unconditional love. She told me that she didn't raise me, God did. Since they were at a loss of how to raise kids, they went to God in everything. What an awesome example of a godly woman. 

I am still a daddy's girl but now I am much closer to my mom then to my dad. Things are completely different from when I was growing up. It wasn't until I had a child of my own, that my mom became one of my best friends. I have so much respect for her. I now am able to look back and see what I have put her through. I am always amazed at how she handles herself in tough situations. She is so understanding and loving. She knows exactly what to say and when to say it. She does this trick, where when I am sad, all she has to do is ask how I am and I burst into tears. I can hide my feelings from almost anyone but her. She has taught me how to show godly love when someone hurts me. She has taught me to turn to God in all things. 

If my daughters think of me admiration as I do with her, I would know that I have done a great job. 

Proverbs 22:6 "Start children off on the way they should go, 
    and even when they are old they will not turn from it."

Proverbs 31:26-31 
"She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

How is your relationship with your parent(s)? 
Has your relationship changed with time?

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 2

Describe 3 legitimate fears and explain why you fear them..

1. I just realized today that I have a fear of my husband losing his job. In the last year my husband has shown up at home early twice unannounced. Each time I was hit in the gut with a terrible feeling. Just upon seeing his face after he opened the door, I knew that he had lost his job. I felt so overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious. I feared not being able to pay the bills or provide for the girls. His new job has him coming home at random times when they are not busy. When he walks in the door my heart and thoughts start racing. I know in my head that God is in control and that he has and will provide for us, but my flesh pulls me into a place of fear. 

2. Depression, anxiety, manic depression, and other mental illnesses run strong in my family as well as my husbands family. Since my oldest daughter is so much like me, I fear her possible struggle with mental illness. I remember the feeling of being in the deepest darkest place ever. Being only seven years old, we have already seen a few red flags such as her mentioning suicidal thoughts. I so want to take away any possible pain she may have. I know that it is my job to teach her to trust in God, to control her emotions and actions, and to communicate anything that might concern her. 

3. Spiders... they are creepy, they are quiet, they have eight legs, they are spiders.. Need I say more? Little spider or big spider it doesn't matter. They all scare me. 

If... Then Statements

Our current state of society is based on "If...Then"s. For example, if my boss gives me a raise, then I will work harder. If my landlord fixes the leak, then I will pay my rent. If my I lose weight, then I will feel better about myself. 

As Christians, we are supposed to be Christ-ones. The facts are if God had chosen to give us the the punishment we deserve, then I would end up in Hell. If Jesus only loved the "religious" people, then I would have never known God's grace and provision. BUT He didn't. God sent us a sacrifice to cover our sins. God loves the unloveable. Jesus died for those who hated Him. The fact is as a Christ-one we should do all things to glorify, including the way we treat and react to others. We are to honor our commitments.  We should seek God for our fulfillment. 

Matthew 5:37 "All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."

1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Sadly, a lot of marriages fall victim to the If...Thens. I was once victim to this frame of mind and still occasionally slip back into it. If he loves me, then I will honor and submit to him. If he apologizes to me first, then I will apologize to him. I think the reason is because we see our vows as a promise to our spouse, but they aren't. Marital vows are a promise and a vow to God. 

1 Peter 3:1-4 "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. "

Self-sacrificing is a difficult thing to do, especially in a society that is focused on self. It seems easier to die for someone than to live for someone, because at least if you were to die for them it would be a one time thing. Living for them means a daily sacrificing and constant humility that I am not sure if I could do. I pray that God gives me a serving heart. Maybe, as Christians, we should put away our "If...Then"s and bring out our "Yes, Lord"s.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

30 Day Blog Challenge/ Day 1

My blogging friend posted a blog where she is doing a 30 day blog challenge. I decided to try it out. 

1. List 10 random facts about yourself.

Day 1: List 10 random facts about yourself...

1. I am creeped out by loose teeth.
2. Platypus is a secret word I use with my hubby when I need to get out of a situation. 
3. I secretly love Star Trek
4. I love the smell of citrus scented household cleaner.
5. The second time I hung out with my now hubby, I knew I was going to marry him. 
6. I hate the sound of styrofoam. 
7. My belly button always smells bad. 
8. Sunlight makes me sneeze. 
9. I am pail and am allergic to most sunscreens.
10. I always laugh when I fart or when I hear someone else fart, even when I am alone. 

Feels Soo Good to be Bad.

Why does it feel so good to be bad and yet so blah to be good? 

I was remembering the feelings I had when I was first dating and engaged to my now hubby. There was such a spark, such an excitement, and such a pure magnetism. 

We had a whirlwind romance. We were engaged after just twelve days of dating. When I met him I wanted to spend every waking moment talking to him and kissing him. I could feel my heart flutter and my cheeks become warm from the blood rushing to them. When he looked at me I felt like the sexiest woman alive. Just a glance would make me smile ear to ear. 

Our love was a rebellious love. My parents thought that I had fallen too fast and too soon. Other family members disowned me.  We were told by teachers that it wouldn't last. There is something about rebelling that creates an excitement. It made me feel alive and strong. My adrenaline would rush when I would go to see him. 

I studied him. I felt like a sponge and would long to learn more about him. I sought to please him and to become the woman he wanted to marry. I felt it was my duty to know more about him then he knew at times. 

Over the years we have learned how to have a love that is filled with godly love and respect. We have become so comfortable with each other that we barely speak. I feel like an old married couple. I am not sure if it is possible. I am not the same person as I was then. I used to be a wild, independent, and self indulgent girl. I am proud of who I have become.  I still feel madly in love with him, but at times I miss the spark. The fire and desire. 

Is it possible to have intimacy and fire? Do you ever miss the way things used to be? 

Monday, May 28, 2012

Making Good Impressions

As my husband sets down the phone my anxieties rise. I know what he is about to say and I know that there is not much time, or is there? My heart starts pounding and I start to contemplate all that needs to be done. Then he says it, "My dad is coming over and will be here in 30 mins to and hour." Ugh, the In-laws. 

Let me explain myself. My husbands parents are divorced and have been since he was a little boy. His father was remarried and now has five more children. His mother has three boys with his father and one after the divorce. I love my In-laws very much and enjoy spending time with them, the only part I don't like is the In-law part. I feel this enormous pressure to please and impress my In-laws. The pressure isn't assisted any by my husbands distance from them. He isn't as close with his parents as I am with mine or as I would like him to be. I so want them to feel welcome and at home with me and in my home. My husband really doesn't understand this concept. He always gets made when I make a mad dash around the house to clean. 

I know what each of them likes and I try to use their likes to make them feel welcome. When my MIL, Mother in law, comes over I turn on Whitney Huston or Celine Dion; she is a little easier to please. For my FIL I bake. A few years ago, when he came to the house, I was baking a cake. He mentioned how lucky Alvin was to have someone who makes delicious food for him and how it reminded him of how his moms house used to smell. Ever since I try to bake something when he comes over. I like to have something that makes him feel relaxed and happy when everything seems to be crazy.

My mom always had a way of making people feel at home in her home. When my aunt would come over, my mom would have her favorite candy. When a friend would come over, my mom would have their favorite game out. I always saw it as an amazing gift of love. 

1 John 4:7 "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."

Last night things became a little more difficult when my hubby threw me a curve ball. When the FIL was here, my hubby decided to give something, that was given to me from my dad, to one of his little sisters. He told my FIL that I had said it was ok and that I haven't used it in a long time. I was trying so hard to be self-controlled and to not flip out and make my FIL uncomfortable. When I had a moment alone with my hubby, I tried to explain the position he put me in. How much the item meant to me and how it wasn't fair for him to give away something of mine when I am not even allowed to touch anything of his. I tried to encourage him to give away his item that he doesn't use either but he refused.

I don't know if I was more angry at his actual actions or if I was more mad at the fact that I was blind-sided and embarrassed. I am trying to learn how to let it go. I know that no item is worth the separation from my husband. I also know that I need to show my husband love just as much as I need to show his family. 

1 Peter 3:1-6 "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."

I love writing. I started this blog angry and stressed and now I feel refreshed and clear headed. Thank you for listening to my ramblings. 

How do you feel around your In-laws? Do you clean up, like a mad woman, before company? How do you handle anger?

Friday, May 25, 2012

I guess I'm Disgusting and Unnatural

When responding to an open question on Cafemom about choosing to adopt outside of your race one woman wrote:

"No way!!!! sorry but i do not believe in inter racial anything. i was brought up that way and will bring my kids up that way. i think it is disgusting to mix races and unnatural. stick to your own kind, race and traditions. birds of a feather flock together...everyone discriminates in one form or the other it is human nature, survival of the fittest, classical conditioning."

This comment, along with many others on this post, broke my heart. I am not sure why I sometime am shocked at how things of this world are not pure and good. The idea that someone disagrees with me or finds my life choices to be "disgusting" and "unnatural" doesn't bother me quite as much as knowing that Abbie, Eb, and other beautiful biracial kids have to deal with it. Why is it that some adults are even meaner than children? 

It also saddens me that the person, who anonymously replied to the post, is living a cut off and bitter life. I have seen first hand how racism can dwell and fester in a person like an infection. I have also seen God take that same person, who almost eight years ago disowned me, and through His example of grace and love helped her grow. 

I pray that God will teach Abbie and Eb to pray for and have grace for those who hurt them as they grow older. 

John 13:34 "“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

1 John 2:9 "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness."

Galatians 3:28 "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

Matthew 5:44-45 "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,  that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Struggle and Victory

Tonight for some reason I was feeling down. I was feeling so low that I just wanted to lay in bed and not talk to anyone. I wanted to have a pity party for one and wanted to let depression take control instead of having self-control. It took everything in my being to not lay down and wallow. I decided to go on a jog. Now this might surprise those of you who know me, especially my friend Christine who goes walking at the mall with me occasionally,  and know that I hate jogging, I hate outside, I hate the heat, I am overweight, and I have asthma. I said to myself, "If you want to punish yourself I will punish you in a way that will do some good." I went to put on my shoes even though I, in my flesh, just wanted to just sit down. I pressed on. 

I asked Alvin for his headphones so that through worship and prayer, I could draw on God's strength on my walk. I put Eb in the stroller and told Alvin that I was going to walk until I wanted to give up. 

When I took the first steps onto the sidewalk I told myself, "Try to make it to church, if I don't make it at least I tried." Immediately my lazy flesh pleaded with me to only go to the end of the block. I dug my feet into the concrete, turned up the music, and I pressed on. 

When I made it up a block I saw the steep hill of torn up land before me. I felt defeated as I creeped towards it. "I will glorify God with my every step. I will push myself until I can't go on and then will take one more step." My calves were on fire, my lungs were collapsing, and my face was pulsing; but I pressed on. 

As I continued things became a little easier so I decided to run in spurts. I made it to church but then saw the stairs. My flesh would have rather turned back and walked home then walk up the stairs to the bible study, but I knew that God had brought me that far and I could not give up. I dragged Eb's stroller into the church, picked her up, and I pressed on. 

It took almost ten minutes for me to catch my breath but even when I was out of breath I felt invigorated.  I was so glad I went and got the chance to fellowship with my brother and sisters. I was so blessed with my time with God that I looked forward to the trip home. 

God used tonight to teach me so much. None of what I did was in my own strength, it was through God's awesome power. God taught me about being willing to fight my flesh and just take a step out onto Him. The entire time I was fighting my flesh, from my wanted to lay in bed to each step. He taught me self-control. I find it interesting that often self-control is just knowing when to give Him control. He taught me to depend on Him in my weakness. The physical state of my body is not God's fault. It is my fault that I am lazy and gluttonous, but God still uses me as I am and helps me, strengthens me, and encourages me. He taught me that He can bless me in my faithfulness. Finally, He taught me that I can give Him glory in everything, even in just walking. 

Colossians 3:17 "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Today God gave me victory, actually God always had the victory but I hadn't laid claim to it. My prayer is that God uses this in other areas in my life that He has victory waiting for me. I pray that I choose to press on to receive His victory instead of giving up, instead of choosing to feel defeated, and instead of being lazy. God is so good. 

Monday, May 21, 2012

My Life Was Over

When speaking to a beautiful young lady who is pregnant I began to reflect on how it felt to be in a very similar position. 

At any age there can be so many overwhelming feelings when discovering that you are expecting a child. There a feelings of excitement, feelings of concern, feelings of inadequacy, and feelings of fear. These feelings combined with hormones can be a crazy. There is so much to accomplish and get organized when you find out that you have to make space in your life for one more person. 

It is something completely different when you are young and when you are not married. Even the way that society looks at you is completely different. If found that people were so sweet to me when I just had Eb as a 26yr old married female. People were open, loving, and supportive; but when I was pregnant with Abbie many people were either rude or disconnected from me. It can feel very lonely and confusing. 

When I was on my spring break my senior year, I noticed that my lower back was constantly hurting. I took a pregnancy test and did not believe the results, so much so that I took a second test. My life was over. I was engaged to my now hubby but my first reaction was that he would break up with me. I only told a couple friends for fear of the rumors that would be spread at school. I was terrified at the idea of telling my mom and dad but I remembered my mom always telling me, "No matter what you do or what happens you come and tell me." My mom was always there to support me first and discipline me after. I called my mom into my room and told her that I was pregnant. Her first reaction was if I was sure. She went to tell my father. I felt like the biggest disappointment. I felt like I wasn't even worthy of being called his daughter. The look my daddy gave me broke my heart. It was a look of disgust, denial, and disapproval. 

Through the next several months I felt the overwhelming pressure of setting up government assistance, getting checked out at the doctor, and deciding how we want to proceed.  We decided to get married after I finished school. When we went to the doctor we discovered that Abbie was at an extremely high risk for mental and physically disability due to my bipolar medications and from my fibromyalgia medicine. The fear overtook me. How would I be able to raise a mentally and physically disabled child? As time continued the excitement grew as I anticipated her arrival. I became ill with Abbie. I had really bad morning sickness, I became anemic, and I was put on bedrest. I grew worried about how I would be able to provide for a family and physically be available to take care of a child. 

A few years after Abbie was born, with no birth defects (Praise God), I gave God control of my life. Satan used my sin, premarital sex, as a way to make me feel guilty, unusable, and unworthy of God. I can see know what God means in Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God has taught me so much and I have been so blessed to have an amazing daughter, an amazing life, a closeness with my parents, a closeness with God I could never have imagined, and a testimony. 

It can be so easy to look at another person and judge where they are coming from and what they have done, but I count myself blessed because I know the love and grace God had for me. Romans 2:1-3 "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment?" None of us are found innocent and yet God still has reached out to us. We then should reach out to others. We should not allow Satan to make us feel guilt and shame for sins that God has already forgiven us for, instead we should be honest with each other in praising God for His grace and offering ours as a small token or offering, and we should not hide away our past and our transgressions because they can be used to help others grow and learn. 

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Making time for Hobbies

I have a couple hobbies that I really enjoy and I think it is time to start working on my hobbies again. Two of my main hobbies are making duct tape purses/ wallets and making designed diapers.  I will have to go through the entire process some time but most of it I do by eye.

For making the duct tape purses I make squares that are duct taped on both sides. I then cut out the basic design of the outer purse.
 I used a pink cloth that is laminated on the one side to make a stretchier inside that would wipe clean after a makeup spill.
I tried to put a snap on it to help close it but it didn't stay with the glue. I am putting it on with a magnetic one next time.

I use one bold background color  because it is cheaper. The ones that are more colorful or have more of a design cost more and you get less per roll.

Another one of my more recent hobbies is making cloth diapers. I am not sure if I would continue that or if I wanted to make blankets or other things. I like sewing. For making cloth diapers I just kinda eyed the general shape of the diaper. I used a cover all version to figure out the general shape. I used the velcro to make the straps adjustable. I also used snaps on it to change the size so it would continue to fit her as she grew. The cloth on the outside is a soft fleece and the inside is the same laminated cloth as I used on the purse. The tricky part was making it inside out and so that i could sew the elastic in.

Where's my freaking handbook?

Some women, such as my mom, handle parenting with such grace and such confidence. I feel like they have a handbook and mine just got lost in the mail. I am sure they have times where they feel at a complete loss of what to do, but their game faces are so convincing that it makes me feel like less of a mother when I am red in the face and pulling my hair out. I don't always agree with the way they parent but am amazed at how they make it look soo easy. I know for fact that they don't always agree with my parenting. 

The type of parent I am.... 

  1. I don't spare the rod... I completely believe in spanking (we call them whoopings b/c that is the term my husband uses). I do have rules for spanking though. I don't spank when I am angry or emotionally involved, because for me that makes the difference between discipline and punishing. There are several times I see kids in public being completely disrespectful and disobedient and I just imagine how I would have applied the hand to the bottom.  Proverbs 13:24 "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." 
  2. I am pretty strict. I know that many of my friends and family think I am too strick. Many think I am too strict on my older daughter because she is so well behaved, but the fact is she is so well behaved (publicly) because I am strict. I have high expectations for my children and I noticed when I do they exceed my expectations. For example, my nine month old was crawling toward the trash can. I said in a firm demanding voice, "No, Eb. Come here." She looked back at me for a second then began crawling toward it again. Again I said, "No, Eb. Come here." She looked at the trash can and then turned around and came to me. Many moms would just figure that she is nine months and wouldn't know how to obey. Many would just go get her. I knew and expect obedience from my daughter. Of course when she came to me I rewarded her with hugs and kisses. I was so proud. 
  3. I get very creative with discipline. I will have my daughter hold cans for minutes at a time. If her mouth gets her in trouble, not just with bad words but also with back talking, then she gets soap in the mouth. She recently had to completely wash and dry 8 loads of laundry. I make her write letters to people when she is rude to them. She can lose all privileges, including electronics, toys, good food (she will get basic food like bread, water, cheese, and a piece of meat), clothing (she loses her choice of clothing and will only have white shirts and jeans), and has lost her bed (she sleeps on the bottom part of a trundle bed and lost the pretty designed top part). 
  4. I am extremely fun. Though I am strict, I am also very balanced since I am fun. I love to dance throughout the house with my daughters. I love to play in the dirt and make a mess. I love to be crafty and creative. I thrive for moments where I can have a great time with them, but only after they have earned it. 
  5. My main focus on raising my daughters in around knowing and growing in Christ. I am training them to not only deal with the outside world but the spiritual warfare that is ongoing. 
No matter how you raise you child, if they have a disobedient and stubborn heart they alone have to choose to change it. I am having a hard time with this. It seems like no matter what we take away from her or what discipline we use; she will still choose to disobey and disrespect. 

Right now I am at a little bit of a loss on how to get her to stop lying. She is choosing to lie about so many things, big and small. When I was growing up my mom always told us that lying is her pet-peeve. She told us that whatever we did, we would be in less trouble than if we lied to her. It made her feel like we thought she was stupid because she already knew what we had done wrong. I guess she rubbed off on me, because lying is one of my biggest pet-peeve, secondly only to disrespecting an adult. There are so many world views on how to handle a child who lies, but I am not trying to raise a child of the world. I want to raise a child of the Word. 

Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go,and even when they are old they will not turn from it. 

I might not know how to look confident, graceful, or quote Dr.Phil; but I can be confident in raising a child in the word of God. I don't need to be the best parent, but I can allow God to teach and train me on how to raise my daughters. As any parent of multiple children can tell you, each child is soo different. What works on one child might not work on the other. But who knows my daughters hearts like God? He has given me the ultimate handbook and the ultimate counselor. I love when my mom tells me that God placed Abbie and Eb with me because I am the best mommy for Abbie and Eb. He knew what He was doing. I might not be the best mom for you child or for any other child but I am the best one for mine.  

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Handcrafted by God

Ecclesiastes 11:5 “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.” 

As the piano keys play softly my soul is uplifted. A song plays that reminds me of the victory of God. My heart is lifted up to the Lord in thanksgiving. Any faith that was not there I sing louder as to bring it forth from the inner recesses of my doubt-full mind. "Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed. The victory is won, He is risen from the dead." I feel a slight sadness for not trusting my problems to God, when I know how good He is.  But the sadness is sort lived. "And I will rise when He calls my name. No more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise on eagles wings. Before my God fall on my knees and rise. I will rise." How true. I can only rise by humbling myself and falling at the feet of God. Just as the woman with the alabaster jar fell to the feet of Jesus so must I fall to the feet of God. I am not able to lift myself up but He is. 

1 John 5:3-5 "In fact, this is love for God: to keep His commands. And His commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God."

I can feel a time of peace coming upon us. With the struggles and the overwhelming attacks from satan, I am so relieved to have rest (even if it is for a short time.)Jesus tells us to come to him when we are burdened and tired and He will give us rest. He has given me His peace to handle the trials, but I feel like a time of just peace is coming. Financially things have been very difficult but Friday will be the first full paycheck since the beginning of the year. Abbie will be out of school beginning next week. Elizabeth has been growing and advancing just as she should. After years of praying the hubby is growing closer to the Lord and is beginning to become the spiritual headship. And I learning how to be the wife and mother my family needs to be, but more importantly I am learning how to be a vessel for God. I am so thankful for all God has brought me through. I am learning to have faith in the potter when He is shaping and forming me.

Isaiah 64:8 Yet you, Lord, are our Father. 
    We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.  

Lyrics from Chris Tomlin "I Will Rise"